Even Good Parents ask for Help
New parents, if there is one thing I can tell you that I wish I would have known when I had a newborn in my arms it is this: People want to help you. Anyone who has ever had a baby knows how incredibly confusing, exhausting, and stressful it can be. Nobody expects you to be a perfect parent the second your baby is born. If you’re anything like me you’ll spend a lot of time fumbling around, trying to figure out how to take care of a new baby without losing your mind.
The thing I didn’t realize is that most new parents – particularly new moms who are staying home from work for the first time and experiencing a HUGE life change while also dealing with hormones from labor and delivery – is that the vast majority of new parents struggle quite a bit. Everyone gets tired during this confusing time, but it’s important to realize that everyone gets overwhelmed at some point too when dealing with a new baby. I have some friends who didn’t get nearly as overwhelmed as I did, but all of them admit that at some point they could have really used some help but didn’t ask anyone.
Why are we afraid to ask for help? I think we want to seem like we’re good parents, and for one reason or another many of us think that translates into not needing help from anyone. I also had a problem with trusting anyone with my baby because I was convinced that nobody could care for her like I could. If you don’t believe me, then ask my husband about the horrible sobbing fit I had when the nurses took my baby for two hours so I could get some sleep. True story.
Don’t think that anyone will assume you’re an inept parent if you ask for help. I wish I would have taken more people up on their offers of help back when my first baby was born. When people asked what they could do to help, I should have said “please bring dinner over one night” or “please come watch the baby so I can get a long shower.” Instead I said the same thing that was my knee-jerk reaction: “Thanks for the offer but we don’t need any help right now.” I didn’t want anyone to think that I needed help. I wanted to be Supermom.
It’s no shock that I wasn’t Supermom. I was tired and overwhelmed.
When your baby is born you should be prepared to field plenty of offers of help from people. Practice saying this over and over again, “Yes, please!”
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