Do you tiptoe around a sleeping baby?
I grew up as the youngest of four children and my mom really believed she had parenting all figured out. One day, she and I went to visit a neighbor down the street. As we approached the door, we noticed a note taped to the doorbell. Something like, “Please do not ring the bell. Baby is sleeping.” My mom huffed condescendingly. She would never have tiptoed around her babies. “They need to learn to sleep anywhere,” she declared to me whenever an appropriate circumstance arose. I learned that my oldest sister slept in the living room because their apartment was so tiny, yet they would go on with their business as usual throughout the day and evening, and she slept anyway. It was a distinct point of maternal pride for my mom.
So when my oldest was born, that made sense to me. You don’t tiptoe around a baby; he has to learn to sleep anywhere. And he did. In general, he could fall asleep anywhere, and even today, you could run a freight train through his room (as my mom would smirk with satisfaction) and he wouldn’t wake up. But my daughter is different.
Now, mind you, I had great difficulty waking her up to eat as a newborn. She would sleep until her blood sugar dropped dangerously low and then I couldn’t wake her. But she’s WAY over that stage of her life. When she first came home from the hospital it was convenient for many reasons that her crib be placed in my own bedroom. But soon, it was clear that my husband was waking her up in the morning when he got ready for work. Although we had intended to keep her in our room for at least a year, I thought it was best if we moved her out at about 4 months.
The baby’s now nearly 9 months old and she sleeps very predictably, as long as she’s in her own little room with perfect silence in the house. She won’t sleep anywhere but home. Forget napping at grandma’s house. And even at home, if my son turns on the faucet full blast in the kitchen, it wakes her up. I don’t run the dryer while she’s sleeping, because the signal at the end of the cycle wakes her up. Thankfully, my doorbell is broken! Because I would be one of the neurotic moms with a sign on the button.
I really do appreciate the sentiment that a baby needs to learn to sleep in all conditions. But I am a tiptoer. I would rather limit my activities during naptime than suffer a miserable afternoon because I woke her up from a nap. Now that we are anticipating a Christmas trip out of town, I’ve been slowly conditioning her since Thanksgiving. First I started putting her in a pack & play for her morning nap, in her own room. Once she did that predictably, I began moving the pack & play to different parts of the house (all quiet rooms, mind you). I think she’s getting used to it. Last night she slept in it, too! Progress.
Maybe some of it is me—she hasn’t learned to sleep with background noise because she hasn’t needed to. But I really think a lot of it is just my baby’s personality. I didn’t train my son to sleep like a bear; he just does.
So, what do you think? Did you ever tiptoe around a sleeping baby? Did your kids have such drastically different sleep styles as mine? Am I just making it harder on myself in the long run by “allowing” her to need a quiet room for sleep?
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Jen says...
My daughter will be a year old at the end of December. She is a sweet baby with a great personality, but she is a horrible sleeper. I also had a mother who believed and still believes that babies need to be able to sleep through anything and sleep anywhere. At first that was easy to accomplish with my daughter. Then she hit about 7 months old, and became the world’s lightest sleeper. So now we tip toe and are quiet, because she isn’t a good sleeper, and I need her to sleep, so we make sure to keep things quiet. I think some babies sleep more soundly than others. I also think that factors such as teething, milestones, etc. can play a role in how little or how much our babies sleep.
Lucy says...
Ack! No – it is not a BAD thing for a baby to need quiet to sleep. Think of it this way, if it was you, having just settled down comfortably for a much-anticipated nap, how would you feel if one of your kids came in to your room & started noisily driving a toy car around your bed? You’d tell them it’s quiet time because Mommy’s trying to sleep – or you just wouldn’t sleep. I think it’s a little ridiculous to expect our kids to put up with something we wouldn’t put up with from them. And, yes – lots of kids are just light sleepers. My son (7mos) has always been a light sleeper, even before we left the hospital. We tried to get him to sleep through what was practical (car rides, street noises, etc.), but he hears it ALL. Unfortunately, he’s like me & wakes up at the drop of a hat. We’ve found ways of working around it, but kids, just like adults, all have very different sleep styles. I think it’s better to respect that than try to make them try to do something they may simply not be capable of.
brit says...
I think that if babies learn to sleep through noise and disturbances, they’ll be able to sleep better all their lives, so I don’t think it’s a good idea to insist on silence at all costs when baby is sleeping. Life does go on and noise happens and babies do need to learn to put themselves back to sleep if they are disturbed.
But as with so many things, different babies learn to sleep through noise at different ages and some babies and adults will always need quiet to sleep.
And naps are vital for babies – and moms!! – so if silence is vital for baby to sleep, then silence, and a note by the doorbell – it is.
I think you are doing the right thing for your daughter, and I guess your daughter will continue to gradually sleep better through noises, and in more locations, as she gets older.
Melissa H says...
I think that a baby’s sleep habits are as individual as the personality of the baby. My babe goes back and forth. It depends on at which point in the nap you catch her. About half way through the nap she gets real easy to wake up and if she makes it through that she is a rock for another hour or so. I have not ever managed to get her to sleep any where except home or the car. Go figure because we have giant dogs with big voices. She sleeps pretty well through it… but I do really hate it when someone comes over smack in the middle of her nap.
I think nap time is extremely important ( not just for baby but for mom too!) so I have a whatever works attitude about it. Tip toe if you have to!