Dads Feels Frustrated by Society’s Attitude to Fatherhood
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A report out today from a Father’s rights group, the Fatherhood Institute, has revealed that many fathers are upset by the way they feel society perceives their role.
The group surveyed several hundred men, and discovered that over three quarters feel that society values a mother’s role more than a father’s, and many are frustrated as a result. They also surveyed mothers, and found that the majority of mothers agreed, but also that the majority of mothers felt that their partners are just as good at looking after their children as they are.
Coverage in the media tends to portray loving, nurturing mothers and babies. But dads are often shown as deadbeats abandoning their families, or the stupid one being corrected by the clever children and wise wife. Paternity leave is awkward or impossible for many men, father’s rights are significantly less than a mothers, especially in unmarried parents, and with the traditional view of child-raising being a woman’s work, and so it’s no surprise that men feel insulted and left out.
Experts suggest that the way a man deals with first few weeks of a baby’s life can set the path for the rest of fatherhood.
In most families mom stays at home, at least for her maternity leave, and dad goes off to work. The new baby bonds with mom, dad feels left out, looses confidence, mom ends up doing more for the baby, dad feels more left out. Dad gets grumpy, Mom prefers to spend time with baby, because baby loves her, then Dad gets more grumpy. It’s a vicious circle, and a man has to be very secure to not feel upset. And it’s the worse time for mom to be able to comfort and reassure him - she’s just had a baby, and needs all the support she can get! Mom feels neglected and dad feels alienated.
Many experts suggest the best thing a pregnant couple can do before a baby is born, is to attend counseling together, or at the minimum to set aside plenty of time to talk to each other before the baby is born. Many churches and family therapists offer this kind of counseling. But spending a few hours talking to each other can be just as good.
Talk about your expectations of parenthood, and try to resolve any conflicts now. Talk about how you will divide the responsibilities, and most important, tell each other “I love you!” and pledge to remember that during the rough times.
The early days of parenthood are always difficult, emotional and challenging. If you as a couple can get through them as united and emotionally healthful as possible, then you will have accomplished something incredibly important that may also make a difference to the rest of your family’s life.
Then if your baby’s daddy is happy and secure in his relationship with you and his baby, he’ll be a better partner, and father. And you don’t have to care what society’s attitude is.
milton says...
Thank you so much for posting this article. Society and the media has us dads as being completely worthless to families beyond the check we bring home. We know that this isn’t true. In fact, as a Christian, a father’s role is supposed to much more important in the raising and rearing of the kids. A father is supposed to provide “spiritual” covering for the kids and the whole family. If the father’s out of position with Jesus, the family is wide open for spiritual attacks. Also, there are countless studies that show staggering statistics concerning how a lack of a father in the home usually leads to some form of hardships in the lives of their kids (especially girls) and social degradation in general. Unfortunately, there are far too many men who are helping this terrible image to be sent out by their actual behavior. Men need to know how vitally important a role they play in the lives of their kids and in society as a whole and they have to act accordingly. Mothers need to understand that fathers can and should provide emotional support for their children and not just a check and the media needs to get itself together and promote some positive images of dads. Will this happen? I don’t know. I pray that it will. Fortunately, I have a wife who understands the importance of “Daddy” in the family.