Baby Naming Etiquette
I am astounded at the things I am learning about pregnancy, even though this is not my first. Today, I learned that I had angered a distant relative when I named my now 11 year old child Rebekkah. Apparently, the distant relative wanted to name her child Rebekkah and felt I’d “stolen” her name.
This situation put me in a quandary because I felt slightly embarrassed by my lack of courtesy. First of all, this woman has not dated in decades, so I guess I was surprised that she had even “picked” out a name. I was even more surprised that she still remembered 11 years later that I’d offended her and felt compelled to share that with me at this point in time.
Another thing that surprised me was the notion that one must check with friends and relatives to get their approval and to make sure that no names are “stolen”. This is my 6th child, and I honestly never knew that I’d offended people by “stealing” names. In fact, I honestly never even knew that it was considered polite to actually check with people before naming a child. I never even guessed that I should check with people who weren’t even considering having children…just in case. What do I know? Not too much it appears.
I discussed this with a friend across the street. She said that yes, she had checked with friends and relatives before naming her children. One friend had liked a certain name that she also liked and she did ask permission to name her child that name!
Another friend, who is having trouble conceiving, has picked out names for the children she hopes will one day join their family. She confided to me that she was quite upset when another mutual friend got pregnant “by accident” and then named her child the name that she’d picked for her son.
What do you think? When choosing a name for your child, do you check with extended family and friends to make sure that you don’t take “their” names? Have you ever been offended when a friend “takes” a name that you wanted for her own child?
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Dawn says...
I don’t think you were wrong at all. Who says who thought of the name first after all? I could see checking w/ other pregnant or TTC relatives to see if they have names picked out already… but ’stealing’ a name from a single relative?? That’s just silly!
Griselda says...
I find this issue silly, yet a bit difficult. My family doesn’t want duplicate names, so I can understand in a way. I’m the youngest of 6 children and already have 12 nieces and nephews. I like a lot of their names, so in a way i feel like i’m left to take the scraps now that I am expecting my first. I don’t understand why we can’t name our children what we want for fear of offending someone else, etc. This is probably an area many of us need to grow in.
VaMomma says...
I agree with both of you ladies. I felt the issue was silly myself, but yet I felt the need to “check”. Isn’t that silly?
Griselda, my youngest sister is now having children. She also felt the same things that you mention.
She had always liked the name Laura–a name I named my oldest child because I too like the name. When she had her daughter recently, she named her Maura. Similar, yet different.
I have always liked the name Chris. My step brother, and cousin are named Chris though. I named my son Christopher….and that’s what we call him too. This also helps because I don’t need to define which Chris I am speaking about–is it my son, my cousin, or my step brother? It can get confusing.
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Da Mutha says...
Ack what a sensitive issue. My sister-in-law and I have pretty similar tastes in names, the major difference is that she was public about her favs from the beginning and I wasn’t, so does that mean she’s claimed them and it would be ME who’s stealing? I asked the first time, and she said it was alright. The second time around I didn’t ask, but made the name publicly known and she reminded me how that name was associated with her stillborn baby (I knew that, but was hoping the reminder wouldn’t be so poignant), so we picked another name.
Dawn Allcot says...
I don’t think the issue is silly, per se… but the concept of being able to steal a name from a *single* relative, who is not pregnant or even TTC, is ridiculous.
It would be a different story, I think, if the relative (or even a friend) was pregnant or TTC. Then I think that it *is* polite for both parties to “consult” with each other, in a sense… unless they don’t care if the names are duplicated.
Griselda, as the fourth child in my family, with 6 nieces and nephews on one side and 3 on my hubby’s side, I know what you mean about being left w/ scraps in a sense.
As a child, I had dolls named Jennifer and Tracy, and I could say that my sisters “stole” those names for my nieces. But since I was 12 and 16 at the time my nieces were born, I didn’t really have a case. LOL
Da Mutha–exactly! Who’s to say who “stole” from who? Do you have to call “dibs” on a name the second you think of it? LOL Sorry about your sister’s stillborn though.
I think you did the right thing to not use that name in that case!
Lindsay says...
I can see both sides to this issue. I don’t belive that it is stealing a name when the friend or relative is not pregnant, and they had not confided in you with their opinions. However I have had the pleasure of being extreamly offended when my sister in-law name her most resent baby boy Rylen, when my own son’s name is Ryan. Even though they are almost 18 months apart, I feel that she should have disscused her thoughts with me as the names are sooo alike.