What are you doing Saturday, March 20th? If you need diapers, and you like getting free stuff for buying diapers, let me tell you where you should be on Saturday: Babies “R” Us or Toys “R” Us.

Here is a great deal that is being offered in conjunction with Pampers. Buy two value boxes (92-252 count) of Pampers Diapers with Dry Max and get a Babies “R” Us/Toys “R” Us $20 gift card.

I don’t know about you, but I already love the value packs of diapers because I don’t have to run out and buy diapers as often. Add a free gift card into the mix and I’m one happy Mommy shopper.

If you don’t know much about the Dry Max feature, visit Babies “R” Us on the 20th and you can watch demonstrations from 12-4. If you need any more convincing, you should know that they will also be giving away free stuff during these Dry Max demonstrations.

Have you marked your calendar yet?

Here is the other stuff you need to know about this great offer:

• It’s only valid in the store, so you can’t go online and get the $20 gift card by buying the diapers through the website.
• Not every Babies “R” Us offering Pampers Dry Max diapers, so this offer is only valid in the stores that do.
• There is a limit of one $20 gift card per customer.
• Quantities are limited.

If you don’t know where the nearest Babies “R” Us is located, check the Babies “R” Us website. Remember: This deal is only valid on the 20th, so don’t miss it.

I always chuckle when I thumb through most parenting magazines because the kids all look so well groomed and even when they are supposed to look as though they have gotten into a mess, they still have perfect hair and rosy cheeks. I don’t know about your kids, but when my kids get into a mess they usually wind up looking much less presentable.

I never thought about comparing my kids to the kids in parenting magazines because I realize that these kids are usually models. I do like how these magazines usually try to present a broad range of kids of different ethnicities. I have also noticed that whenever parenting magazines use pictures of kids with special needs the next month there is almost always at least one letter from a reader praising the appearance of these kids.

Parenting Magazine Moms

Then again, my kids aren’t reading these magazines. I am. So when I flip through the magazine and see one photo after another of slim, attractive moms wearing makeup and with nary a hair out of place, I start to wonder what impossible standard is being conveyed to moms everywhere, albeit somewhat subliminally. If you don’t believe me, have a look at any parenting magazine. You’ll probably see a model posing with a dot of baking flour on her nose and a cute-yet-exasperated facial expression under the headline “Quick Meals for Moms” or a gorgeous female model nuzzled up to a gorgeous male model under the headline of “Find Time for Romance”.

Real Moms

For the record, when I’m whipping up a quick meal I look more frazzled than cute, and if you snapped a picture of a moment when I’m trying to find time for romance with my husband you would probably get a shot of me glaring at the baby monitor in fear of one of the kids calling out “Mommy!” Don’t even get me started about the models the magazines use for the “Get Back in Shape” specials, because the models they use really don’t need to get “back” into shape if they are already a size zero.

I just wish that once in a while these magazines would feature women who are larger than itty bitty, or feature women with glasses who are not reading, or feature “dads” who did not just step out of a Calvin Klein ad. Really, as parents we have enough to worry about without also being subliminally told that we’re not living up to a nearly impossible standard.

Free Parenting Magazines

Head over to the Free Offers Page for not only Free Parenting and Baby Magazine subscriptions but also Free baby formula, Free diapers, and more!

I picked up quite a few habits after I had my baby. None of them were necessarily bad, but they have really stuck with me despite the fact that my little ones don’t even qualify as babies anymore. At least the habits I can’t seem to shed are more comical than anything else, and they remind me of the days when I would constantly have a baby on my hip.

Swaying back and forth. New moms, heed my warning: Your kids will be old enough to start reading and you will still sway back and forth when you are standing in one spot. It’s even worse if you have anything in your arms that somewhat resembles the feeling of holding a baby, like a basketball or a bag of groceries. The best part is that people will never tell you that you are swaying, so you will have to realize it yourself and also wonder just how long you have been swaying while lovingly cradling the sack of potatoes.

Constant monologue. We’re told to talk to our newborns even though they can’t talk back, and for some moms (like me) that results in a constant monologue. “Mommy is going to brush her hair. Mommy’s hair is brown! Does Mommy’s baby like the brush?” You get the picture. I would like to claim that I no longer do this, but this is another habit that I haven’t been able to shed yet. The other day I was trying to find the mental health clinic at the hospital because one of the psychologists was going to review an essay I wrote for my clinical counseling class. I couldn’t find the clinic -and in my defense, it was relatively hidden- so there I was, wandering around the hospital mumbling to myself that I couldn’t find the mental health clinic. It’s no wonder people just moved out of my way instead of helping me.

Rocking shopping carts. Whenever I stop to look at something on a grocery store shelf, I tend to let at least one hand linger on the handle of the shopping cart and before I know it I’m rocking the cart back and forth. This is a habit I picked up when I would have a baby in the shopping cart, but apparently now I have moved on to trying to comfort cartons of milk.

I don’t really mind these habits of mine so much because they remind me of a time when my little ones were tiny and my whole life changed to suit their needs. Now if I can only learn to sway, rock, and mumble to myself like a lunatic out of public eye, I’ll be styling.

Becoming a new mom is thrilling and incredibly rewarding, but it can be a weird transition too, especially if you go from working full-time outside the home to suddenly staying home with a baby all day long. My abrupt transition was from full-time mortgage loan officer to confused, bleary-eyed, nightgown-stained, sleep deprived stay-at-home mother of a newborn. It’s hard enough to make a huge life change without being assaulted by impossible standards for new moms, but if you’re anything like me then you will undoubtedly run into plenty of instances that make you feel inadequate as a new parent. Let me reveal to you which ones I think should be ignored.

TV Moms

Even the TV moms portrayed as overwhelmed and exhausted still manage to make their portrayal in skinny jeans and with makeup on. Their houses still look great, and for some bizarre reason the babies actually sleep long enough to not interrupt the TV mom getting into a comical fight with the TV dad. You might be looking for another new mom to emulate, but just remember that TV moms are just like other women on TV: Unrealistic.

Your Perfect Friend

I have a friend who went right from having her first baby to teaching university classes online while also juggling some freelance work. She never appears overwhelmed, always seems calm around the baby, and I have yet to see her with any form of spit-up on her clothes whatsoever. She is like the yin to my yang, because when I had a newborn baby I was a sleep-deprived, spit-upon, anxious mess. Chances are you have a friend like this too, who makes being a new parent seem effortless and makes you feel slightly (or fully) inadequate, or you have at least spied one of these women jogging along with a running stroller while brokering huge deals on her cell phone or painting the outside of her home with a newborn nestled in a front sling or whatever else Supermoms do.

Just keep in mind that what you see may not be what happens consistently. You never really know which moms are calm because they’re in a medicated haze or which moms go home and collapse into a heap of tears as a result of exhaustion from trying to portray a perfect image to everyone. You should also keep in mind that people react to stress differently, so while I become an anxious mess when overwhelmed, my friend probably reacts in a calmer way because we’re just wired differently.

Either that, or she’s going home every day and taking her anxiety out on a punching bag or something.

Unrealistic Advice

As moms get a little more, shall we say, seasoned in their parenting, we start to forget about how difficult the newborn phase can be. I remember being tired and hormonal, but the acute feelings of exhaustion and confusion have pretty much left me. For this reason, I might make comments that aren’t altogether true, albeit unintentionally. So when a seasoned mom says anything like “I don’t remember little Bobby having any problems sleeping as a newborn,” or “Your baby must have colic because no baby cries that much,” or “Breastfeeding was a breeze!” then just file these comments in your mind under “Ridiculous Delusions” and ignore them.

Then look forward to the day when you too shall forget about how tough things can be for new moms.

I have a photo of my kids at the Grand Canyon that I absolutely love (as seen to the right). My son and daughter stand at the edge of the canyon, she is doing an arabesque while wearing an incredibly vibrant dress and he is flexing. Behind them are all the amazing colors of the canyon. It is a great photo that really shows what kind of kids they are as well as how breathtaking the Grand Canyon really is.

What ZaZaGallery Did For Me

I wanted to do something special with this photo, so when ZaZa Gallery offered me a free canvas print to review I was thrilled. I e-mailed a copy of the photo directly to them and much faster than I anticipated, the print showed up at my door delivered by FedEx. I think I was expecting a rolled up print, but when they say “canvas” they really mean it. In the box was my favorite vacation picture, placed on a canvas and looking amazing. There is just something about about seeing an already beautiful print mounted on a 16×20 canvas that makes me want to order more.

This is a photo I can put up on my fireplace mantle or hang artfully somewhere within the house. I haven’t decided where it is going to go just yet, but I can tell you that it is going to be in a prominent place. This canvas print is more than just a photo; now it’s a piece of art.

Pricing and Options

I took a look at the prices that ZaZa Gallery charges for canvas prints of various sizes and I was impressed at how affordable it can be to get a photo transformed. An 8×10 starts at $25, which is certainly a reasonable amount to spend on a gift for grandparents (they would love it) or to buy some canvas prints for around the house. Here’s a look at some of the other options offered by ZaZa Gallery:

• Oil paintings

• Pencil sketching

• Black & White transformation

• Sepia toned (brown scale)

• Various other effects

Other options include the way the print is wrapped onto the canvas, the thickness of the wrap, and the color of the print. I’m certainly no artist, but it seems to me that anyone can make a photo downright artistic.

So if you are still looking for gifts for the holidays, or if you have a favorite photo that you want to do something special with, check out ZaZa Gallery. I know I will be ordering more canvas prints from this gallery soon.

My son goes through spurts when he tries to get into bed with me at night. It isn’t usually a big deal because sometimes I don’t even notice he’s crawled into bed with me until I wake up in the morning and find him there, but other nights he’ll crawl into bed and try to start talking to me about Curious George’s latest hi-jinks or whatever else is on his mind, and that doesn’t make for a very good night’s sleep.

A friend told me about “The Sleep Fairy,” which is a method she used with her children and swore up and down that I would have my son sleeping in his own bed within a couple of nights and I would soon enjoy a full night’s sleep without interruption.

The Sleep Fairy Method

1. Tell the kids a whimsical story about a sleep fairy who goes around putting little trinkets under the pillows of little children who don’t get out of bed at night. Apparently there is at least one children’s book on this topic so if you don’t feel up to creating the story on your own you can seek out the help of a book that already has the story written out for you.

2. Buy up a bunch of little trinkets and treats. For my son I bought up some plastic frogs, lizards and bugs. For my daughter, I bought some stickers and scented lip balms. I hid all these items in the closet so they wouldn’t see them.

3. If the kids stay in bed all night, not calling out to you or sneaking out to see what’s going on (I told my older daughter that going to the bathroom was permitted, of course), you sneak a surprise under their pillows before you go to bed. They wake up to the surprise and a lot of praise from you that they stayed in bed all night.

4. The next night, repeat the whole process over again.

It Really Does Work

I tried it, and on the first night my daughter got a surprise because she stayed in bed but my son had wound up in my bed so he didn’t have one under his pillow. He was really upset about it and I actually felt a little guilty about the whole situation, but then the next night he slept in his own bed followed by several more nights of the same.

Sleep Fairy Concerns

It was great to have the bed to myself at night, but after about a week of this method I started to have some concerns about the whole process:

• Should I have to bribe my kids to get them to sleep through the night?

• What happens if they get out of bed after I’ve already placed the surprise under their pillow and gone to bed myself?

• My son’s older sister, who is 5 and not quite as accepting of whimsy as her younger brother, started asking if I was really the Sleep Fairy.

All in all, it seemed like a somewhat deceitful, potentially expensive method to make sure that the kids stayed out of my bed at night. I decided it was time for The Sleep Fairy to flutter off to someone else’s house. I sat my kids down and told them that The Sleep Fairy was moving on to help other kids sleep through the night. Both my kids were sad to hear that she had gone (and taken her surprises with her) but they soon forgot all about her.

Once in a while my kids will still get into bed with me, but I’ve since set some ground rules. If they want to crawl into bed with me they need to do it quietly and to not wake me up. There is also no stealing blankets or pillows, and for goodness sake, no kicking. This works well, and now the times when they try to get into bed with me at night are few and far between. I actually like waking up to find one (or both) of them snuggled up next to me every now and then. I figure it’s only a matter of time before they’ll be too big for that, so I’m trying to enjoy it now while I can.

Or is there one?

My son was only three years old when I sought out mental health counseling for him. You may be wondering why in the world a toddler might need therapy unless he’s horribly violent or presenting symptoms of Autism, but he had neither of these. Instead, he was just not adjusting well to his father’s year-long overseas military assignment and I did not know how to help him beyond what I was already trying.

I should point out that I’m pro-therapy. Right now I’m in graduate school studying clinical counseling so I may be quicker to jump to the conclusion that therapy can help almost anyone -including a toddler- but if you have ever considered putting your young child into therapy then let me reveal to you what you are probably in for.

Parent Training?

The biggest thing you will probably come to realize is that therapy for really young kids is more like training for the parent. In fact, at my son’s final session with his psychologist I was asked if I had any questions about anything and I said, “This was more about training me to deal with my son’s emotions rather than teaching my son about dealing with his emotions, wasn’t it?” The psychologist nodded and said that if it was billed to insurance companies as “Parent Training” then it probably wouldn’t get paid. It seems to me that some parents probably wouldn’t even enroll in anything called Parent Training because it might seem intimidating.

What to Expect During Child Therapy

• The psychologist takes my son into the Toy Room and lets him pick out some toys to bring back into her office for the session.

• My son plays with the toys while the psychologist asks me about how the last couple of weeks have gone and asks me if I have any special concerns to discuss.

• The psychologist then introduces some new concepts regarding interaction with my son. She then asks me to sit down on the ground with him and play while incorporating whatever new concept was introduced in addition to the ones from previous sessions. For example, one session she asked me to interrupt his play to give him direct commands to work on compliance with parental requests.

• If at any point he doesn’t follow the rules of the office (raising his hand to interrupt conversation, not throwing toys, and all the other rules set by the psychologist) he’s put into a time out by the psychologist.

The psychologist spent a lot more time talking to me and training me than she did with my son. I think this is an important thing to realize when it comes to therapy for very young children; at this age, it isn’t so much about changing the kid as it is about changing the way the parent deals with the kid. While this may seem intimidating to some parents, I found it to be incredibly empowering.

Therapy Did Help My Toddler

Or maybe I should say it helped me to help my toddler. We have four months until Daddy is back home, but even upon his return I will continue to use all the tips and tactics the child psychologist taught me. If you’re thinking about seeking out assistance from a therapist for behavioral issues your toddler is displaying, don’t worry that your child is too young to benefit from therapy. You may learn a few things too.

I’m a big fan of air cleaning systems because, for one reason or another, my house always seems to be assaulted by dust no matter what I do to try to combat it. So when Germ Guardian offered to send me a free air filter to try out in my dust-infested home, I jumped on the chance. I used it for two weeks to get a real feel for its effectiveness, but I could tell in the first day that I would like it. My husband set it up downstairs in the living room while I was cooking dinner.

Me: Hey, don’t forget to turn the air filter on!

Him: It’s already on.

Convenience of Use

I was quite impressed by how quietly the system functioned because the other air filter we have in my bedroom sounds like a plane is readying for take-off every time I turn it on. Even on the highest setting, this system is much quieter than other systems I have tried. That means I can use it at night and still hear the kids stirring in their beds, which is important to me.

When I first pulled the Germ Guardian out of the box I was a little disappointed that the system was fixed to the base since the other system from another manufacturer we have in the house moves from left to right on the base. That is, it did move from left to right on the base for about a week and then the base broke, so now it’s stationary. So, in retrospect, maybe a system fixed on the base is the smarter design.

Methods of Air Filtration

One of the most interesting features of this system is the UV light that is supposed to kill certain germs from the air. At first, I didn’t know what to make of the UV light because I was afraid the light might expose my kids to something harmful, but it turns out the light shines on the inside of the system, not the outside. It’s actually a pretty interesting concept; the air that goes through the system not only has to go through the HEPA filter but it also gets sanitized by the UV light. That’s more than my other system does to make sure the air we breathe in the house is clean.

Performance

Is my house still a haven for dust particles? Not so much. We have been using the system for two weeks now and I’ve noticed a marked decrease in the dust particles floating in the air and landing on the furniture in the room we use the Germ Guardian in. I asked my husband what he thought of the system and he said that he was in the bedroom and felt an allergy attack coming on, so he went into the living room where the Germ Guardian was running and said he felt some relief to his allergy symptoms almost immediately. Any system that can stop a sneezing attack gets a big thumbs up from me.

The Bottom Line

If you’re looking for an air filter, I fully endorse the Germ Guardian. It is really easy to set up and use, and it delivers on its promise to clean the air in your house. It also doesn’t have any little crevices or numerous buttons that might entice little ones to try to mess with it, although I would suggest supervising young kids around it since it’s an electronic device that is plugged into a wall outlet.

For more information go to http://www.thehealthyhomechallenge.com/.

We may actually buy another one to put in the upstairs because of how impressed we are with this system.

How many times have you found yourself repeating a request to your toddler over and over again, wondering to yourself if your toddler can even hear you? There were so many times when I would ask my toddler to do something and then wind up convinced that he must have a hearing problem because he would either do something different from what I asked or he would ignore my request altogether. It would usually go a little something like this:

Me: “Sweetie, will you please go into your room and grab your shoes so we can get going?”

(silence)

Me: “Sweetie, Mommy asked you to go into your room and grab your shoes. We have to get going.”

(silence)

Me: “Son! We have to go! Where are your shoes? Why aren’t you listening to Mommy?”

Sound familiar? This can be frustrating beyond belief, especially if you are in a hurry and also you happen to know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with your toddler’s hearing because you had it tested by a professional audiologist. Or, at least, that’s what I did. At any rate, I knew that he could hear me.

Am I Doing Something Wrong?

It wasn’t until I talked to a professional child psychologist that I found out that the problem wasn’t with my toddler, it was with me. My approach was wrong, so he truly couldn’t do what I was asking him to do. Apparently, toddlers process information differently than we do as adults. When I barraged him with a lengthy request, he literally could not process everything I asked him to do and therefore he just purged the whole thing.

The child psychologist taught me a thing or two about how to phrase a request to a toddler in order to make it possible for the child to listen and respond.

How to Talk to a Toddler

• Make it a command. Don’t ask your toddler if he wants to get his shoes on. Instead, tell him to get his shoes on.

• Keep it simple. Don’t give a lengthy explanation of why he needs to do what you ask him. Instead, keep the request simple so there is not too much information to process.

• Be polite. Don’t bark the command, but instead be respectful without pleading.

So instead of  “Sweetie, will you please go into your room and grab your shoes so we can get going?” it should be “Abram, please get your shoes on.” I now know to give him a few seconds to process the request and to react to my command. If he doesn’t respond, I give the same request and wait a few seconds again. If he still doesn’t respond, he’s met with a calm, “Abram, please get your shoes on or time out.”

Ever since I started using these tactics I have had more success getting my toddler to cooperate. I know it is contrary to what we’re taught as parents; I can’t be the only mom out there who has been narrating activities with a long winded monologue all day long because I was told to talk to my baby as much as possible. Sometimes, however, simplifying things can make a huge impact on how compliant your toddler will be.

I breastfed like a champ with both of my kids, even nursing my daughter while I was pregnant with my son. It was not seamless, however, because when I initially started breastfeeding my first-born I felt like I had no idea what I was doing and spent a lot of time frantically trying to work through the process. I consulted the library of pregnancy books I had, but none of them were specific to breastfeeding so I don’t think they offered as much information as I actually needed.

This is one of the reasons why I was really impressed by The Essential Guide to Breastfeeding by Marianne Neifert, MD. The main emphasis of the book is the art of breastfeeding, but it also has other topics including dealing with sleep deprivation and  eventually starting solid foods. While most baby books are written with the perspective that moms want to learn about caring for a baby and will maybe breastfeed, this book is written with the perspective that a breastfeeding mom also needs to know about dealing with other aspects of raising a baby. I really wish  I would have had this book when I was a new mom.

Babies Online is giving away a free copy of The Essential Guide to Breastfeeding. Simply leave a comment on this post to be entered to win.

The book also dedicates a full chapter to how dads can assist mom with breastfeeding. After all, nursing a baby can be really hard, so when a dad isn’t on board it can be downright impossible. The book covers just about every aspect a nursing mom might need to know about, whether it’s pumping, nutrition or postpartum depression. Everything is presented in a very readable way, so even though it’s written by a pediatrician it doesn’t read like a medical manual.

I give this book a huge thumbs up.

This is the type of book that should be given to pregnant moms as they prepare to have their babies and start nursing. It’s a book that will sit at the mom’s bedside and will undoubtedly be thumbed through over and over again for reference.

The Essential Guide to Breastfeeding is appropriate for any nursing mom, whether she will stay home with the baby or return to work as soon as possible. Pick up this book if you are pregnant or new to nursing because it will probably answer all of your questions (and the questions you don’t know you have yet).

What is it like to spend nine-plus months carrying someone else’s baby? How can you not get attached to the baby growing inside you? How can you talk yourself through morning sickness, swollen ankles and back pain when you don’t get the ultimate payoff of holding your own precious baby when all is said and done?

I was very fortunate to speak to Alison Adams, an amazing woman who speaks very openly and honestly about her experiences as a surrogate.

1. What made you decide to be a surrogate?

Helping others has always been a deep seeded interest of mine. When I was in my later teen years, I became aware of egg donation.  When I met my boyfriend (now husband), I told him of my desires pretty early on. He thought the idea of it was great, being I waited until after we were done having our own children (I agreed).

2. How do you choose the family?

With my first surrogacy, I met the couple I chose through an agency. With my second surrogacy, I met the couple through Facebook, of all places!

3. What is it like to carry someone else’s baby?

I do the same things – watch what I eat, take my prenatal vitamins, go to my appointments as necessary, rub my belly, talk to the baby, etc. But of course, there’s no preparing for a baby, so that was a bit odd the first time around. It just seemed so strange to be so very pregnant, and not be setting up a nursery or installing a car seat. But how I felt towards my surrogate son was very different – I loved him and cared for him, yes. But I did not love him as I love my own children.

4. Who handles the financial obligation associated with the surrogate pregnancy?

In most all surrogacy journeys, the IPs (intended parents) cover the finances. This could/should include attorneys (for both the surrogate and parents!), insurance copays, etc.

5. Are you financially compensated for being a surrogate?

Most first time surrogates in the US receive around 20k for a first time surrogacy. Some surrogates receive a higher compensation for a second time journey, and some, like myself, opt to receive the same compensation that they received the first time. If you figure it out, it calculates out to under $3 per hour. But as is true for most surrogates, compensation isn’t close to one of the top reasons we choose to do this. It is a nice bonus, though.

6. Do you keep in contact with the family after the baby is born?

Yes, this is actually a requirement of mine. I ask that the family opt to keep up with me and keep me updated on them (not just the baby).

7. How important is the emotional support of your family while you are a surrogate?

Very important. My husband is my rock. He not only has to submit himself to STD testing and sign the contract, he is there with me as I go through the cycling, the pregnancy and the postpartum time. It is not easy on him, but he chooses to support me and hold me up through the hard times. I think I fell in love with him even more after the birth of my surrogate son, just knowing how awesome he was during the pregnancy – a pregnancy that wasn’t even for us, if that makes sense.

Read more about Alison’s surrogacy journeys in her blog.

We’ve been visiting a child psychologist  for the past few months in an attempt to help my young son cope with his father going away on military assignment, so I’m learning a lot about the best ways to ask for compliance from him.

I’ll pause while everyone chuckles over the idea of trying to get consistent compliance from a young child. Go ahead; I’ll wait.

Although I’ve been somewhat skeptical about some of the psychologist’s instructions, some of the things she has taught me have worked so well that I wonder why in the world I hadn’t heard about them before. One of the methods I learned from her recently was the 5 Second Rule.

What’s the 5 Second Rule?

I’m glad you asked. The psychologist and I were talking about how sometimes it seems as though my son simply ignores my requests, such as to pick up his toy or to hold my hand in a parking lot. She explained to me that children of this age may take a little longer to process a request, which I understand, and then she told me that after I make a request I am supposed to count to five in my head before asking again. She told me that I will be surprised at how effective this method is.

So here I am thinking to myself, “Count to five? What good will that do?” Since I am determined to do whatever I can to make life easier for my son while his dad is away, though, I tell myself I’ll give it a shot. In fact, I got my first opportunity as we were leaving the psychologist’s office. He stopped short of the door so I said, “Please go to the door, buddy.” Instead of quickly following this with my normal, “Come on!” or “Let’s go!” or my default, “Dude, listen to me!” I merely counted in my head: “1-2-3-4-5.”

Something very interesting happened. Right around the time I got to 4, he started moving toward the door. It was as if I had just witnessed his cognitive processes humming along and had unlocked a secret timeline.

I tried it again when we got home. I opened his car door and said, “Please get out of the car.” As usual, he sat there thumbing through his books, but instead of pulling him out of the car myself I counted in my head again. Right before I made it to 5, he started getting out of his seat.

The psychologist says it’s crucial to not do the counting aloud, or to even reveal to your child that you’re counting in your head because this will give your child something to challenge. Instead, it’s an internal gauge that you use before you repeat your request.

I’m not saying it works all the time, but until I started using this method I didn’t realize how quick I am to repeat a request. Now that I’ve started counting in my head, we have a lot less pleading from me and fewer protests from him.

It’s exciting when kids start saying words. My daughter was an early talker, and combined with her petite stature we got plenty of amazed stares when she would speak to people in public. My son also had the propensity toward learning longer words a lot faster than other kids his age. At an early age he once told a lady that something was “enormous” and when she looked at him with a shocked face he sympathetically said, “That means big.”

Despite their early verbal skills, I still worried that maybe they weren’t learning how to speak exactly as they should. I think most parents do like I did; they alternate between being incredibly proud of their kids’ new speaking skills, yet worry that any little thing may be an indicator that there is something cognitively wrong with their kids’ learning ability. Yes, it’s normal to worry about these things, so don’t beat yourself up if you find yourself hypervigilant.

What is Generalization?

Let me help you with one thing you may be worried about when your child starts talking: generalization. This is the term that is used to describe how many young children label things in lumps. For example, all four legged animals might be labeled “cat” by your child, or every woman may be declared  “Momma.” Most kiddos do this when they are first learning to talk, and not only is it completely normal but it’s expected.

This is simply one of the ways that young kids use what they already know about the world to interpret new things they experience. Think about it; if you encountered something new you had never seen before, you would probably try to relate it to something else you already know in an attempt to understand it. Young children just don’t have as extensive a history in world experiences, so the generalizations will seem more, well, generalized.

So if your new talker declares a horse to be a cow or a desk to be a table, don’t fret. It’s just another one of the many verbal and cognitive steps your brilliant child will go through.

The new figures regarding how much it costs to raise a child from birth through high school are out, and before you read the figure you might want to sit down or maybe brace yourself against something sturdy.

So What is the Cost of Raising a Child? $291,570.

Don’t panic. Let’s put this into perspective. This amount of money is over a long period of time. Seventeen years of expenses will certainly add up, no matter what the expenses. Take, for example, my daily drive through Starbucks. I usually get myself a coffee and some juice or milk for my kids, so it’s usually a daily expense of around $6. If I do this every day for a week (and don’t splurge on a Venti or a cookie for my kids to split) the weekly expense equals around $42, $168 a month, and $2016 a year. So it may cost me nearly three hundred thousand dollars over seventeen years to raise my child, but when you consider I’m spending around $34,272 over that same period of time just to feed my coffee habit, I think the perspective becomes a little clearer.

In other words, everything costs a lot when you do it for seventeen years straight.

Yes, Children are Expensive

Don’t let the numbers throw you. After all, we all know that diapers and clothes can get quite expensive, and there are some baby items a parent just can’t live without, but there are plenty of ways to curtail these costs. Really, does your child need the most expensive brand of diapers? Have you looked around for FREE Diaper offers or FREE Diaper Coupons? Does your baby really need to sport the latest designer fashions? If you are in a panic over the estimated cost of raising a child, realize that the figure isn’t a promise; it’s just an estimate, and there are ways to reduce these numbers.

You should also keep in mind that the figure varies according to your income level. Parents who have more money tend to spend more money on their kids, so if you have a low income you may never reach the $291,570 figure even though you adequately care for your child for seventeen years. Likewise, if you have an enviable income level and you insist on spending with reckless abandon for your child, chances are you will exceed the $291,570 long before your child’s seventeenth birthday.

Yes, Children are Expensive. Yes, you will undoubtedly spend ridiculous amounts of money on your child at one time or another. Don’t let the numbers throw you into a panic, though. Oh, and don’t fall into the same trap as I have and wind up in the coffee drive-thru every day, because that’s not the smartest financial decision to make, with or without children.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I read article after article about how babies would get hooked on pacifiers. I read about moms who were desperate to figure out how to get their older babies to stop using their beloved pacifiers, how frequent pacifier use might cause delays in speech as well as eventual dental problems. I also read commentaries that stated these babies would never learn how to deal with their emotions if a pacifier was shoved in their mouths every time they got upset.

It seemed like the best solution to me was to simply not give my baby a pacifier. I announced to every nurse who came into the room after my baby was born that my daughter was under no circumstances to have access to a pacifier. Any pacifier we got as gifts was unopened and given to charity. It seemed like I was avoiding a huge hassle and felt good about what I was doing.

After a few weeks it became obvious that if my daughter wasn’t going to have access to a pacifier, I would become her pacifier. No matter why the baby was crying, which happens a lot with newborns- she wound up nursing. Whenever she was tired but wouldn’t fall asleep -which also happens a lot with newborns- she wound up nursing. I’d had enough, so I researched the best pacifiers online and then sent my husband out to buy a wide assortment. I was anxious to start her on pacifiers so I could get a little rest.

Some Babies Just Don’t Want a Pacifier

Guess what? She didn’t want anything to do with the pacifiers. I tried all the tactics the experts talked about to entice babies to suck on pacifiers, but it was all to no avail. She wasn’t having anything to do with pacifiers no matter what brand I presented and no matter what tactic I tried to use.

I wondered if the reason my daughter didn’t take to pacifiers was because I didn’t allow her to experience them in the first few weeks life, so when my son was born I wasn’t going to make the same mistake. I had pacifiers at the ready when he was born. I looked forward to the opportunity to give him an option to self-soothe that didn’t involve him spending long hours nursing when he wasn’t even hungry.

You may have guessed where this is going; he didn’t like pacifiers either. I was amazed because this time around I had set out with all the intentions in the world of getting him started on pacifiers early on and would just deal with any consequences later. The lesson learned is this: Some babies just don’t like pacifiers.

If you are like me, you have probably heard stories from seasoned parents who had to resort to the “Pacifier Fairy” or some other tactic to get their babies (or toddlers) to shed the pacifier habit, but you should know that your problem may instead be like mine. I never even got far enough with pacifiers to have to worry about weaning my babies from them.

I guess it just goes to show that you never really know what to expect when it comes to your baby.

My first born is now five and a half years old, and she never ceases to amaze me with her brilliance. Okay, so that may sound like a bit of an exaggeration, but she is smart, social and creative, so it’s easy to go on and on about how proud I am of her.

First Born Baby Characteristics

She exhibits all the classic signs of a first born. She’s quick to take charge, she is assertive, and she excels when it comes to learning new things. So I suppose the question then becomes this: Is she this way because she was my first born child, and if so, is it a biological thing or is it because of all the extra attention she got from me in her first nineteen months of life until her brother was born?

I have a degree in psychology, so I’m reluctant to just shrug my shoulders and say, “she’s the way she is because that’s the way it goes with first borns.” I want to know why she is the way she is. That’s why my interest really perked up when I read an article written about whether so-called first born tendencies actually have any basis of scientific fact or if these tendencies are just myths passed on from parent to parent over the years.

The information was intriguing. Studies have been conducted to find out about the influence of a person’s birth order with regards to personality tendencies and eventual success as an adult. Apparently there are plenty of conflicting views when it comes to this particular topic. Here are some of the most interesting things from these studies:

First born children tend to have a higher IQ

First borns predominately have higher IQs than their younger siblings. This isn’t always the case because there are always exceptions to the rules, but in the majority of instances it’s the eldest sibling with the higher IQ.

Nature or Nurture? While some research suggests that a first born acquires their personality tendencies from a biological source (genetics, hormones in the mother’s womb that are then diluted for each subsequent baby, etc), other studies point to the environment in which the child is raised.

Do I have higher expectations for my first child?

Am I more critical of her than I am of him? Yes, I think I am, and I wonder if I sometimes expect less from my son at his age than I did of my daughter at the same age. In other words, while my daughter (the oldest) is always expected to be an example to my son, does my son (the youngest) merrily skate along under the umbrella of “Baby of the Family?”

I’m going to mull over all the research from the article and try to take a more critical look at how I view my kids. It’s not that I don’t want my daughter to be a leader and to be academically brilliant (can you say college scholarship?) but I don’t want her to be this way because I forced her into it. I want her to be who she wants to be, and the same goes for my son, regardless of what order they were born.

I don’t mean to brag, but I have been through my fair share of doctors appointments with my kiddos. Between the surgeries my son has endured and the fact that my husband comes and goes with his military deployments leaving me to deal with everything on my own, I know quite a bit about the best way to make the appointment easier for the kids. After all, an appointment with the doctor can be incredibly stressful for kids, what with all the people poking and prodding you and asking a bunch of questions.

In an ideal situation, I would stress the importance of only taking one child at a time to the doctor, but since my situation is usually far from ideal I”m writing this with respect to taking a younger child to the doctor with an older sibling in tow.

Always tell the truth. If my kids are going to get shots, I tell them so and I also admit that it’s going to hurt. I also tell them that it’s important for them to get the shots and then I promise them a lollipop or ice cream afterwards. Yes, I bribe my kids, but shots hurt, right? When possible, like when flu shot time rolls around, I let them watch me get my shot first and then let them follow suit.

Let kiddos answer questions. This won’t work for babies, but toddlers can certainly answer some of the doctor’s questions. For example, if the doctor asks me, “Which of his ears hurt?” instead of answering his question I’ll divert it to my son and say, “Tell the doctor which ear hurts.” This makes him feel a little more in control of the situation.

Bring distractions. We’ll bring toys and snacks with us, and I always have a pen with me so the kids can scribble on the sheet paper the medical staff pulls over bed the kids sit on for their exams. When all else fails, I tell them stories or we sing silly songs while waiting for the doctor. I truly think that the worst thing you can do in this situation is to insist your child sits quietly while waiting for the doctor.

Become a favorite. I appreciate what our doctor does, so we’ve brought cookies before and really made an attempt to get to know the staff. I think this has helped a lot with getting us in and out quickly, and that’s incredibly helpful when you’re lugging a couple of ill kids around.

Medical appointments are a necessary evil of parenthood. Okay, maybe not evil, but not much fun nonetheless. With a little bit of prep and a lot of patience you can make these appointments much less daunting.

My son had hie ear tube surgery this morning. It was the third surgery he has been through, and considering he’s not even four yet that’s a pretty big deal. His first surgery was to put ear tubes in and remove his adenoids, the second surgery was to remove the ear tubes and do a skin graft onto his ear drum, and today’s was to put a tube back into one of his ears. I was really reluctant to do it and was afraid that his Ear, Nose, and Throat Specialist was being alarmist, but when he had his pre-surgery appointment with his primary physician the doctor took one look in his ear and said, “Oh yeah, surgery is the right decision.”

I had hoped to avoid anything like this while my husband is away on his military tour, but I couldn’t delay it anymore because my son’s hearing was starting to get affected. I went into this whole thing with a laundry list of problems that could go wrong. Remember that I’ve been through this with my son twice before so I knew the physical toll it could take on him, so I was bracing myself for the worst case scenario for everything. Well, maybe not the worst case, but I was prepared to deal with a lot of problems as a result of the surgery.

Sometimes, however, everything goes just right and parents are rewarded with best case scenarios.

I was afraid that finding someone to take my daughter for the day would be a big hassle, but my neighbor down the street who is moving in a week graciously offered to put her packing on hold for the day and take my daughter. She didn’t just watch her either; she took her to the park and out to lunch and made it a very special day for her.

My son remembered his last surgery and was not happy about it, so I waited until yesterday to mention that he would have surgery today. I was ready for him to freak out, but instead he started talking about the play room at the hospital and how he couldn’t wait to play with all the toys.

My son had to abstain from food or water starting at midnight last night. Since he’s the kind of kid who wakes up looking for his cup of orange juice, I was afraid he would be begging for something to drink. Instead, he didn’t mention anything and the surgery clinic actually called to ask if he could come in earlier, so that was less time he spent hungry and thirsty.

When it came time for him to go into surgery, I was afraid he would put up a struggle and cry for me like last time, but this time he was wheeled away without a protest.

The last time he returned from surgery he was distraught and inconsolable. He cried and whimpered and pushed against me for a good half hour or so, but today he came back into the room smiling, sitting up, and showing me the stuffed doll the surgery team had given him in the recovery room.

The last two surgeries he had, he was groggy and in pain for a few hours after the operation was complete. Today, he was actually up and dancing around in his hospital room. His appetite was raging so we went to lunch together and he was in good spirits.

As a parent, I usually brace myself for everything to go wrong and for things to be as difficult as possible. Once in a while I’m blessed with a day when everything actually goes smoothly. By the way, my son is napping comfortably on the couch while I type this, and he usually doesn’t nap anymore. What more could a mom ask for?

My friend lives in what can only be described as a “McMansion.”  I’ve heard that term applied to huge houses that have entirely too much space and impressive features, usually including two or three SUVs parked in the spacious garage.

A couple of years ago she was an avid consumer. She would pack her baby up in the stroller and walk through the mall, buying whatever caught her eye. At the grocery store, she would buy mostly prepackaged foods that would save her time even though they were more expensive than the raw foods that she could have fashioned into meals for her family. Her family had the money, so why not enjoy it?

Nowadays things are a little different. She still lives in that same McMansion, but her SUV has been traded in for a more economical and environmentally-friendly vehicle. She grows fruits and vegetables in her spacious yard and buys groceries that are in a more original state. I don’t think she has step foot in the mall for some time and when she does go shopping she’s carrying reusable cloth bags.

It’s not like her husband lost his job or anything, but I think she saw what other people were going through and heard all the alarmist news stories about the economy and she realized that she just can’t assume that everything is always going to be okay. Combine this with the growing popularity of going green, and I think my friend has had a bona fide transformation.

I know I’ve changed the way I spend money too, both because of the recession and because of the environment. I didn’t start out with a McMansion or an SUV, but there was certainly room for improvement nonetheless. For example, when the weather starts to get warm it’s not unusual for ants to start finding their way into our dining room. Usually this elicits a panicked call to the local exterminator who comes over and sprays pesticides all over the house and in the yard. After doing a little research about the effect these chemicals can have on the environment – and on the health of my kids – I found out that there are natural ways to stop the barrage of ants. When I saw the first few ants crawling around a few days ago I staved off my urge to call an exterminator and instead did what I had read: Sprinkle some paprika where you see the ants and it will repel them.  It seemed entirely too simple, but it has been effective so far.  Not only is it much more environmentally friendly, but I saved the usual $80 I give to the bug guy.

Almost all of my friends are making similar changes that happen to be concurrently good for their finances and the environment. Most of them have started bringing canvas bags to grocery stores and hardly any of them drive gas-guzzlers anymore, or at least they certainly aren’t buying new ones. Organic fare is becoming more and more common as snacks at playdates, and the same moms who always dressed their babies in the newest designer clothes are now (gasp!) buying clothes at consignment stores for their kids.

I’m assuming it isn’t just my social circle that is going green and saving money. What have you been doing?

Before I became pregnant with my first baby at 29 it was a common occurrence for people to mistake me as being younger than I actually was.  It was the same way every time the subject of age came up when chatting with someone who didn’t know me very well.  I would tell them how old I was and they would get a quizzical look on their face and then make the declaration that I looked younger than I actually was.  I loved it.

Then came my babies.

I thought that my sleep deprivation was causing the dark circles under my eyes and the new wrinkles on my face were the result of my constant scowl from cleaning up poop and spit-up and once I no longer had to do those things the wrinkles would go away.  After all, I was still pretty young, so why should I look like I wasn’t?

Then the grays started to pop up.  My hair is straight, bordering on wavy, but suddenly these grays started popping up right in the middle of my head and they were curly. All of this happened as I was desperately trying to accept the fact that I would never get another full night’s sleep and I would never be able to wear a two-piece bathing suit because of my newly acquired stretch marks all across my tummy.

Now when I talk to people about my age there is never the reply of “Oh, you look so much younger than you are.” In fact, if I don’t look spot-on for my age, I might look a little older now.  I know that I’m going to age, but I swear that having these kids has aged me faster than I would have aged otherwise.  Or, as a university professor once warned us all in a health psychology class, “When a woman has a baby, she pays for it.”  She wasn’t talking about paying with money, trust me.

I would never trade my babies to get my young looks back of course, but I will be the first to admit that my little blessings were a huge factor in my newly aged look.