How many times have you found yourself repeating a request to your toddler over and over again, wondering to yourself if your toddler can even hear you? There were so many times when I would ask my toddler to do something and then wind up convinced that he must have a hearing problem because he would either do something different from what I asked or he would ignore my request altogether. It would usually go a little something like this:

Me: “Sweetie, will you please go into your room and grab your shoes so we can get going?”

(silence)

Me: “Sweetie, Mommy asked you to go into your room and grab your shoes. We have to get going.”

(silence)

Me: “Son! We have to go! Where are your shoes? Why aren’t you listening to Mommy?”

Sound familiar? This can be frustrating beyond belief, especially if you are in a hurry and also you happen to know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with your toddler’s hearing because you had it tested by a professional audiologist. Or, at least, that’s what I did. At any rate, I knew that he could hear me.

Am I Doing Something Wrong?

It wasn’t until I talked to a professional child psychologist that I found out that the problem wasn’t with my toddler, it was with me. My approach was wrong, so he truly couldn’t do what I was asking him to do. Apparently, toddlers process information differently than we do as adults. When I barraged him with a lengthy request, he literally could not process everything I asked him to do and therefore he just purged the whole thing.

The child psychologist taught me a thing or two about how to phrase a request to a toddler in order to make it possible for the child to listen and respond.

How to Talk to a Toddler

• Make it a command. Don’t ask your toddler if he wants to get his shoes on. Instead, tell him to get his shoes on.

• Keep it simple. Don’t give a lengthy explanation of why he needs to do what you ask him. Instead, keep the request simple so there is not too much information to process.

• Be polite. Don’t bark the command, but instead be respectful without pleading.

So instead of  “Sweetie, will you please go into your room and grab your shoes so we can get going?” it should be “Abram, please get your shoes on.” I now know to give him a few seconds to process the request and to react to my command. If he doesn’t respond, I give the same request and wait a few seconds again. If he still doesn’t respond, he’s met with a calm, “Abram, please get your shoes on or time out.”

Ever since I started using these tactics I have had more success getting my toddler to cooperate. I know it is contrary to what we’re taught as parents; I can’t be the only mom out there who has been narrating activities with a long winded monologue all day long because I was told to talk to my baby as much as possible. Sometimes, however, simplifying things can make a huge impact on how compliant your toddler will be.

I breastfed like a champ with both of my kids, even nursing my daughter while I was pregnant with my son. It was not seamless, however, because when I initially started breastfeeding my first-born I felt like I had no idea what I was doing and spent a lot of time frantically trying to work through the process. I consulted the library of pregnancy books I had, but none of them were specific to breastfeeding so I don’t think they offered as much information as I actually needed.

This is one of the reasons why I was really impressed by The Essential Guide to Breastfeeding by Marianne Neifert, MD. The main emphasis of the book is the art of breastfeeding, but it also has other topics including dealing with sleep deprivation and  eventually starting solid foods. While most baby books are written with the perspective that moms want to learn about caring for a baby and will maybe breastfeed, this book is written with the perspective that a breastfeeding mom also needs to know about dealing with other aspects of raising a baby. I really wish  I would have had this book when I was a new mom.

Babies Online is giving away a free copy of The Essential Guide to Breastfeeding. Simply leave a comment on this post to be entered to win.

The book also dedicates a full chapter to how dads can assist mom with breastfeeding. After all, nursing a baby can be really hard, so when a dad isn’t on board it can be downright impossible. The book covers just about every aspect a nursing mom might need to know about, whether it’s pumping, nutrition or postpartum depression. Everything is presented in a very readable way, so even though it’s written by a pediatrician it doesn’t read like a medical manual.

I give this book a huge thumbs up.

This is the type of book that should be given to pregnant moms as they prepare to have their babies and start nursing. It’s a book that will sit at the mom’s bedside and will undoubtedly be thumbed through over and over again for reference.

The Essential Guide to Breastfeeding is appropriate for any nursing mom, whether she will stay home with the baby or return to work as soon as possible. Pick up this book if you are pregnant or new to nursing because it will probably answer all of your questions (and the questions you don’t know you have yet).

What is it like to spend nine-plus months carrying someone else’s baby? How can you not get attached to the baby growing inside you? How can you talk yourself through morning sickness, swollen ankles and back pain when you don’t get the ultimate payoff of holding your own precious baby when all is said and done?

I was very fortunate to speak to Alison Adams, an amazing woman who speaks very openly and honestly about her experiences as a surrogate.

1. What made you decide to be a surrogate?

Helping others has always been a deep seeded interest of mine. When I was in my later teen years, I became aware of egg donation.  When I met my boyfriend (now husband), I told him of my desires pretty early on. He thought the idea of it was great, being I waited until after we were done having our own children (I agreed).

2. How do you choose the family?

With my first surrogacy, I met the couple I chose through an agency. With my second surrogacy, I met the couple through Facebook, of all places!

3. What is it like to carry someone else’s baby?

I do the same things – watch what I eat, take my prenatal vitamins, go to my appointments as necessary, rub my belly, talk to the baby, etc. But of course, there’s no preparing for a baby, so that was a bit odd the first time around. It just seemed so strange to be so very pregnant, and not be setting up a nursery or installing a car seat. But how I felt towards my surrogate son was very different – I loved him and cared for him, yes. But I did not love him as I love my own children.

4. Who handles the financial obligation associated with the surrogate pregnancy?

In most all surrogacy journeys, the IPs (intended parents) cover the finances. This could/should include attorneys (for both the surrogate and parents!), insurance copays, etc.

5. Are you financially compensated for being a surrogate?

Most first time surrogates in the US receive around 20k for a first time surrogacy. Some surrogates receive a higher compensation for a second time journey, and some, like myself, opt to receive the same compensation that they received the first time. If you figure it out, it calculates out to under $3 per hour. But as is true for most surrogates, compensation isn’t close to one of the top reasons we choose to do this. It is a nice bonus, though.

6. Do you keep in contact with the family after the baby is born?

Yes, this is actually a requirement of mine. I ask that the family opt to keep up with me and keep me updated on them (not just the baby).

7. How important is the emotional support of your family while you are a surrogate?

Very important. My husband is my rock. He not only has to submit himself to STD testing and sign the contract, he is there with me as I go through the cycling, the pregnancy and the postpartum time. It is not easy on him, but he chooses to support me and hold me up through the hard times. I think I fell in love with him even more after the birth of my surrogate son, just knowing how awesome he was during the pregnancy – a pregnancy that wasn’t even for us, if that makes sense.

Read more about Alison’s surrogacy journeys in her blog.

We’ve been visiting a child psychologist  for the past few months in an attempt to help my young son cope with his father going away on military assignment, so I’m learning a lot about the best ways to ask for compliance from him.

I’ll pause while everyone chuckles over the idea of trying to get consistent compliance from a young child. Go ahead; I’ll wait.

Although I’ve been somewhat skeptical about some of the psychologist’s instructions, some of the things she has taught me have worked so well that I wonder why in the world I hadn’t heard about them before. One of the methods I learned from her recently was the 5 Second Rule.

What’s the 5 Second Rule?

I’m glad you asked. The psychologist and I were talking about how sometimes it seems as though my son simply ignores my requests, such as to pick up his toy or to hold my hand in a parking lot. She explained to me that children of this age may take a little longer to process a request, which I understand, and then she told me that after I make a request I am supposed to count to five in my head before asking again. She told me that I will be surprised at how effective this method is.

So here I am thinking to myself, “Count to five? What good will that do?” Since I am determined to do whatever I can to make life easier for my son while his dad is away, though, I tell myself I’ll give it a shot. In fact, I got my first opportunity as we were leaving the psychologist’s office. He stopped short of the door so I said, “Please go to the door, buddy.” Instead of quickly following this with my normal, “Come on!” or “Let’s go!” or my default, “Dude, listen to me!” I merely counted in my head: “1-2-3-4-5.”

Something very interesting happened. Right around the time I got to 4, he started moving toward the door. It was as if I had just witnessed his cognitive processes humming along and had unlocked a secret timeline.

I tried it again when we got home. I opened his car door and said, “Please get out of the car.” As usual, he sat there thumbing through his books, but instead of pulling him out of the car myself I counted in my head again. Right before I made it to 5, he started getting out of his seat.

The psychologist says it’s crucial to not do the counting aloud, or to even reveal to your child that you’re counting in your head because this will give your child something to challenge. Instead, it’s an internal gauge that you use before you repeat your request.

I’m not saying it works all the time, but until I started using this method I didn’t realize how quick I am to repeat a request. Now that I’ve started counting in my head, we have a lot less pleading from me and fewer protests from him.

It’s exciting when kids start saying words. My daughter was an early talker, and combined with her petite stature we got plenty of amazed stares when she would speak to people in public. My son also had the propensity toward learning longer words a lot faster than other kids his age. At an early age he once told a lady that something was “enormous” and when she looked at him with a shocked face he sympathetically said, “That means big.”

Despite their early verbal skills, I still worried that maybe they weren’t learning how to speak exactly as they should. I think most parents do like I did; they alternate between being incredibly proud of their kids’ new speaking skills, yet worry that any little thing may be an indicator that there is something cognitively wrong with their kids’ learning ability. Yes, it’s normal to worry about these things, so don’t beat yourself up if you find yourself hypervigilant.

What is Generalization?

Let me help you with one thing you may be worried about when your child starts talking: generalization. This is the term that is used to describe how many young children label things in lumps. For example, all four legged animals might be labeled “cat” by your child, or every woman may be declared  “Momma.” Most kiddos do this when they are first learning to talk, and not only is it completely normal but it’s expected.

This is simply one of the ways that young kids use what they already know about the world to interpret new things they experience. Think about it; if you encountered something new you had never seen before, you would probably try to relate it to something else you already know in an attempt to understand it. Young children just don’t have as extensive a history in world experiences, so the generalizations will seem more, well, generalized.

So if your new talker declares a horse to be a cow or a desk to be a table, don’t fret. It’s just another one of the many verbal and cognitive steps your brilliant child will go through.

The new figures regarding how much it costs to raise a child from birth through high school are out, and before you read the figure you might want to sit down or maybe brace yourself against something sturdy.

So What is the Cost of Raising a Child? $291,570.

Don’t panic. Let’s put this into perspective. This amount of money is over a long period of time. Seventeen years of expenses will certainly add up, no matter what the expenses. Take, for example, my daily drive through Starbucks. I usually get myself a coffee and some juice or milk for my kids, so it’s usually a daily expense of around $6. If I do this every day for a week (and don’t splurge on a Venti or a cookie for my kids to split) the weekly expense equals around $42, $168 a month, and $2016 a year. So it may cost me nearly three hundred thousand dollars over seventeen years to raise my child, but when you consider I’m spending around $34,272 over that same period of time just to feed my coffee habit, I think the perspective becomes a little clearer.

In other words, everything costs a lot when you do it for seventeen years straight.

Yes, Children are Expensive

Don’t let the numbers throw you. After all, we all know that diapers and clothes can get quite expensive, and there are some baby items a parent just can’t live without, but there are plenty of ways to curtail these costs. Really, does your child need the most expensive brand of diapers? Have you looked around for FREE Diaper offers or FREE Diaper Coupons? Does your baby really need to sport the latest designer fashions? If you are in a panic over the estimated cost of raising a child, realize that the figure isn’t a promise; it’s just an estimate, and there are ways to reduce these numbers.

You should also keep in mind that the figure varies according to your income level. Parents who have more money tend to spend more money on their kids, so if you have a low income you may never reach the $291,570 figure even though you adequately care for your child for seventeen years. Likewise, if you have an enviable income level and you insist on spending with reckless abandon for your child, chances are you will exceed the $291,570 long before your child’s seventeenth birthday.

Yes, Children are Expensive. Yes, you will undoubtedly spend ridiculous amounts of money on your child at one time or another. Don’t let the numbers throw you into a panic, though. Oh, and don’t fall into the same trap as I have and wind up in the coffee drive-thru every day, because that’s not the smartest financial decision to make, with or without children.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I read article after article about how babies would get hooked on pacifiers. I read about moms who were desperate to figure out how to get their older babies to stop using their beloved pacifiers, how frequent pacifier use might cause delays in speech as well as eventual dental problems. I also read commentaries that stated these babies would never learn how to deal with their emotions if a pacifier was shoved in their mouths every time they got upset.

It seemed like the best solution to me was to simply not give my baby a pacifier. I announced to every nurse who came into the room after my baby was born that my daughter was under no circumstances to have access to a pacifier. Any pacifier we got as gifts was unopened and given to charity. It seemed like I was avoiding a huge hassle and felt good about what I was doing.

After a few weeks it became obvious that if my daughter wasn’t going to have access to a pacifier, I would become her pacifier. No matter why the baby was crying, which happens a lot with newborns- she wound up nursing. Whenever she was tired but wouldn’t fall asleep -which also happens a lot with newborns- she wound up nursing. I’d had enough, so I researched the best pacifiers online and then sent my husband out to buy a wide assortment. I was anxious to start her on pacifiers so I could get a little rest.

Some Babies Just Don’t Want a Pacifier

Guess what? She didn’t want anything to do with the pacifiers. I tried all the tactics the experts talked about to entice babies to suck on pacifiers, but it was all to no avail. She wasn’t having anything to do with pacifiers no matter what brand I presented and no matter what tactic I tried to use.

I wondered if the reason my daughter didn’t take to pacifiers was because I didn’t allow her to experience them in the first few weeks life, so when my son was born I wasn’t going to make the same mistake. I had pacifiers at the ready when he was born. I looked forward to the opportunity to give him an option to self-soothe that didn’t involve him spending long hours nursing when he wasn’t even hungry.

You may have guessed where this is going; he didn’t like pacifiers either. I was amazed because this time around I had set out with all the intentions in the world of getting him started on pacifiers early on and would just deal with any consequences later. The lesson learned is this: Some babies just don’t like pacifiers.

If you are like me, you have probably heard stories from seasoned parents who had to resort to the “Pacifier Fairy” or some other tactic to get their babies (or toddlers) to shed the pacifier habit, but you should know that your problem may instead be like mine. I never even got far enough with pacifiers to have to worry about weaning my babies from them.

I guess it just goes to show that you never really know what to expect when it comes to your baby.

My first born is now five and a half years old, and she never ceases to amaze me with her brilliance. Okay, so that may sound like a bit of an exaggeration, but she is smart, social and creative, so it’s easy to go on and on about how proud I am of her.

First Born Baby Characteristics

She exhibits all the classic signs of a first born. She’s quick to take charge, she is assertive, and she excels when it comes to learning new things. So I suppose the question then becomes this: Is she this way because she was my first born child, and if so, is it a biological thing or is it because of all the extra attention she got from me in her first nineteen months of life until her brother was born?

I have a degree in psychology, so I’m reluctant to just shrug my shoulders and say, “she’s the way she is because that’s the way it goes with first borns.” I want to know why she is the way she is. That’s why my interest really perked up when I read an article written about whether so-called first born tendencies actually have any basis of scientific fact or if these tendencies are just myths passed on from parent to parent over the years.

The information was intriguing. Studies have been conducted to find out about the influence of a person’s birth order with regards to personality tendencies and eventual success as an adult. Apparently there are plenty of conflicting views when it comes to this particular topic. Here are some of the most interesting things from these studies:

First born children tend to have a higher IQ

First borns predominately have higher IQs than their younger siblings. This isn’t always the case because there are always exceptions to the rules, but in the majority of instances it’s the eldest sibling with the higher IQ.

Nature or Nurture? While some research suggests that a first born acquires their personality tendencies from a biological source (genetics, hormones in the mother’s womb that are then diluted for each subsequent baby, etc), other studies point to the environment in which the child is raised.

Do I have higher expectations for my first child?

Am I more critical of her than I am of him? Yes, I think I am, and I wonder if I sometimes expect less from my son at his age than I did of my daughter at the same age. In other words, while my daughter (the oldest) is always expected to be an example to my son, does my son (the youngest) merrily skate along under the umbrella of “Baby of the Family?”

I’m going to mull over all the research from the article and try to take a more critical look at how I view my kids. It’s not that I don’t want my daughter to be a leader and to be academically brilliant (can you say college scholarship?) but I don’t want her to be this way because I forced her into it. I want her to be who she wants to be, and the same goes for my son, regardless of what order they were born.

I don’t mean to brag, but I have been through my fair share of doctors appointments with my kiddos. Between the surgeries my son has endured and the fact that my husband comes and goes with his military deployments leaving me to deal with everything on my own, I know quite a bit about the best way to make the appointment easier for the kids. After all, an appointment with the doctor can be incredibly stressful for kids, what with all the people poking and prodding you and asking a bunch of questions.

In an ideal situation, I would stress the importance of only taking one child at a time to the doctor, but since my situation is usually far from ideal I”m writing this with respect to taking a younger child to the doctor with an older sibling in tow.

Always tell the truth. If my kids are going to get shots, I tell them so and I also admit that it’s going to hurt. I also tell them that it’s important for them to get the shots and then I promise them a lollipop or ice cream afterwards. Yes, I bribe my kids, but shots hurt, right? When possible, like when flu shot time rolls around, I let them watch me get my shot first and then let them follow suit.

Let kiddos answer questions. This won’t work for babies, but toddlers can certainly answer some of the doctor’s questions. For example, if the doctor asks me, “Which of his ears hurt?” instead of answering his question I’ll divert it to my son and say, “Tell the doctor which ear hurts.” This makes him feel a little more in control of the situation.

Bring distractions. We’ll bring toys and snacks with us, and I always have a pen with me so the kids can scribble on the sheet paper the medical staff pulls over bed the kids sit on for their exams. When all else fails, I tell them stories or we sing silly songs while waiting for the doctor. I truly think that the worst thing you can do in this situation is to insist your child sits quietly while waiting for the doctor.

Become a favorite. I appreciate what our doctor does, so we’ve brought cookies before and really made an attempt to get to know the staff. I think this has helped a lot with getting us in and out quickly, and that’s incredibly helpful when you’re lugging a couple of ill kids around.

Medical appointments are a necessary evil of parenthood. Okay, maybe not evil, but not much fun nonetheless. With a little bit of prep and a lot of patience you can make these appointments much less daunting.

My son had hie ear tube surgery this morning. It was the third surgery he has been through, and considering he’s not even four yet that’s a pretty big deal. His first surgery was to put ear tubes in and remove his adenoids, the second surgery was to remove the ear tubes and do a skin graft onto his ear drum, and today’s was to put a tube back into one of his ears. I was really reluctant to do it and was afraid that his Ear, Nose, and Throat Specialist was being alarmist, but when he had his pre-surgery appointment with his primary physician the doctor took one look in his ear and said, “Oh yeah, surgery is the right decision.”

I had hoped to avoid anything like this while my husband is away on his military tour, but I couldn’t delay it anymore because my son’s hearing was starting to get affected. I went into this whole thing with a laundry list of problems that could go wrong. Remember that I’ve been through this with my son twice before so I knew the physical toll it could take on him, so I was bracing myself for the worst case scenario for everything. Well, maybe not the worst case, but I was prepared to deal with a lot of problems as a result of the surgery.

Sometimes, however, everything goes just right and parents are rewarded with best case scenarios.

I was afraid that finding someone to take my daughter for the day would be a big hassle, but my neighbor down the street who is moving in a week graciously offered to put her packing on hold for the day and take my daughter. She didn’t just watch her either; she took her to the park and out to lunch and made it a very special day for her.

My son remembered his last surgery and was not happy about it, so I waited until yesterday to mention that he would have surgery today. I was ready for him to freak out, but instead he started talking about the play room at the hospital and how he couldn’t wait to play with all the toys.

My son had to abstain from food or water starting at midnight last night. Since he’s the kind of kid who wakes up looking for his cup of orange juice, I was afraid he would be begging for something to drink. Instead, he didn’t mention anything and the surgery clinic actually called to ask if he could come in earlier, so that was less time he spent hungry and thirsty.

When it came time for him to go into surgery, I was afraid he would put up a struggle and cry for me like last time, but this time he was wheeled away without a protest.

The last time he returned from surgery he was distraught and inconsolable. He cried and whimpered and pushed against me for a good half hour or so, but today he came back into the room smiling, sitting up, and showing me the stuffed doll the surgery team had given him in the recovery room.

The last two surgeries he had, he was groggy and in pain for a few hours after the operation was complete. Today, he was actually up and dancing around in his hospital room. His appetite was raging so we went to lunch together and he was in good spirits.

As a parent, I usually brace myself for everything to go wrong and for things to be as difficult as possible. Once in a while I’m blessed with a day when everything actually goes smoothly. By the way, my son is napping comfortably on the couch while I type this, and he usually doesn’t nap anymore. What more could a mom ask for?

My friend lives in what can only be described as a “McMansion.”  I’ve heard that term applied to huge houses that have entirely too much space and impressive features, usually including two or three SUVs parked in the spacious garage.

A couple of years ago she was an avid consumer. She would pack her baby up in the stroller and walk through the mall, buying whatever caught her eye. At the grocery store, she would buy mostly prepackaged foods that would save her time even though they were more expensive than the raw foods that she could have fashioned into meals for her family. Her family had the money, so why not enjoy it?

Nowadays things are a little different. She still lives in that same McMansion, but her SUV has been traded in for a more economical and environmentally-friendly vehicle. She grows fruits and vegetables in her spacious yard and buys groceries that are in a more original state. I don’t think she has step foot in the mall for some time and when she does go shopping she’s carrying reusable cloth bags.

It’s not like her husband lost his job or anything, but I think she saw what other people were going through and heard all the alarmist news stories about the economy and she realized that she just can’t assume that everything is always going to be okay. Combine this with the growing popularity of going green, and I think my friend has had a bona fide transformation.

I know I’ve changed the way I spend money too, both because of the recession and because of the environment. I didn’t start out with a McMansion or an SUV, but there was certainly room for improvement nonetheless. For example, when the weather starts to get warm it’s not unusual for ants to start finding their way into our dining room. Usually this elicits a panicked call to the local exterminator who comes over and sprays pesticides all over the house and in the yard. After doing a little research about the effect these chemicals can have on the environment – and on the health of my kids – I found out that there are natural ways to stop the barrage of ants. When I saw the first few ants crawling around a few days ago I staved off my urge to call an exterminator and instead did what I had read: Sprinkle some paprika where you see the ants and it will repel them.  It seemed entirely too simple, but it has been effective so far.  Not only is it much more environmentally friendly, but I saved the usual $80 I give to the bug guy.

Almost all of my friends are making similar changes that happen to be concurrently good for their finances and the environment. Most of them have started bringing canvas bags to grocery stores and hardly any of them drive gas-guzzlers anymore, or at least they certainly aren’t buying new ones. Organic fare is becoming more and more common as snacks at playdates, and the same moms who always dressed their babies in the newest designer clothes are now (gasp!) buying clothes at consignment stores for their kids.

I’m assuming it isn’t just my social circle that is going green and saving money. What have you been doing?

Before I became pregnant with my first baby at 29 it was a common occurrence for people to mistake me as being younger than I actually was.  It was the same way every time the subject of age came up when chatting with someone who didn’t know me very well.  I would tell them how old I was and they would get a quizzical look on their face and then make the declaration that I looked younger than I actually was.  I loved it.

Then came my babies.

I thought that my sleep deprivation was causing the dark circles under my eyes and the new wrinkles on my face were the result of my constant scowl from cleaning up poop and spit-up and once I no longer had to do those things the wrinkles would go away.  After all, I was still pretty young, so why should I look like I wasn’t?

Then the grays started to pop up.  My hair is straight, bordering on wavy, but suddenly these grays started popping up right in the middle of my head and they were curly. All of this happened as I was desperately trying to accept the fact that I would never get another full night’s sleep and I would never be able to wear a two-piece bathing suit because of my newly acquired stretch marks all across my tummy.

Now when I talk to people about my age there is never the reply of “Oh, you look so much younger than you are.” In fact, if I don’t look spot-on for my age, I might look a little older now.  I know that I’m going to age, but I swear that having these kids has aged me faster than I would have aged otherwise.  Or, as a university professor once warned us all in a health psychology class, “When a woman has a baby, she pays for it.”  She wasn’t talking about paying with money, trust me.

I would never trade my babies to get my young looks back of course, but I will be the first to admit that my little blessings were a huge factor in my newly aged look.

Ask me to recite just about any Dr. Seuss book (or Fancy Nancy, or Eric Carle) and I’ll probably be able to do it from memory. Do you want to know the lyrics to a Veggie Tales song? How about the Imagination Movers? It’s all stored in my head, and I don’t think it’s ever going to get purged.

Once my kids find something they like, whether it’s a certain book, song or movie, they never seem to grow tired of it. I know this is fairly common among babies and children, and I also know that it helps the kids learn. I get it, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

I’ve been reading the same Diego book every night for the past couple of weeks. The suspense as to whether Diego will indeed save the baby sea turtles has long since been lost on me, but every time we read it my kids sit in hushed anticipation to find out what happens next. I’ve also had They Might Be Giants: 123 in my car’s CD player for a straight week now, and any time I change it I get a stern tongue-lashing from my kids in the back seat who want their music back.

I keep reading Diego and keep listening to They Might Be Giants in the car because I know that the kids love them. I also know that it won’t be long before they get passionate about a different book or CD, and although we’ll undoubtedly read the book over and over and listen to the CD over and over, it will also pass someday soon.

Besides, every so often I do manage to talk them into trying something different and they actually take to it. They were initially iffy about the Olivia books but now they love them, and I saw some scowls when I first slipped a swing CD into the stereo at home but now they dance like crazy when I turn the music on while I cook.

Repetition is a necessary evil, I’m afraid, but it could be a lot worse. At least my kids pick music I enjoy and books that are clever. I don’t know what I would do if their music of choice was something horrible and I was stuck in the car along with two kids who like singing along with vigor.

I’m not a doctor.  I’ve never even visited a medical school before.  So why is it when I take one of my kids in to see the doctor for something that may merit antibiotics, suddenly I’m supposed to know the medically appropriate course of action?

The visit usually goes something like this:

Doctor:  Yep, your child does have an ear infection (or whatever the infection d’jour is).

Me:  Ah, yes, I figured as much.  So what should we do now?

Doctor:  Well…some doctors advise giving antibiotics at this point.

(Long pause.)

Me:  So what do you advise doing at this point?

Doctor:  Well, really, it’s up to you.  I can prescribe antibiotics if you would like.

Me:  Okay, but does my child need antibiotics for this infection?

Doctor:  It really depends on which doctor you talk to.

Am I the only mom who has ever dealt with this situation? I don’t know if the physicians my children visit have all been instructed to turn into Dr. Vague when the subject of antibiotics comes up, but sometimes I just want a trained medical professional to tell me what to do.

I know that antibiotics are a sore spot right now and that most medical professionals caution that they are being overused.  I get that.  I don’t want my child medicated unless it’s necessary, but on the other hand I don’t want to deny medical treatment to my child if it’s really needed to clear up the infection.

I have never once went into an appointment for my child and demanded antibiotics.  I have also never refused antibiotics if the doctor decides that it is the best treatment for the ailment.  I will tell you, though, that I have found that getting a definitive decision from a doctor with regards to antibiotics is getting harder and harder.  Usually I have to resort to asking, “If this was your child, would you prescribe antibiotics right now?”  Of course, this only works if the doctor has a child, but it’s a pretty effective way to get a straight answer.

My son was just scheduled for a third surgery. Considering the little guy hasn’t even reached his fourth birthday yet, this seems like a lot to me. I hate, hate, hate the fact that he has to go and get another procedure done, but I know that in the long run it’s for the best.

It’s not like he’s having something very complicated done, and it isn’t like this is an emergency procedure to save his life, but it’s a surgery nonetheless and that always makes me nervous.

His first surgery – which was before he was a year old, was to put tubes in his ears, remove his adenoids, and to do some exploratory something or other down his esophagus.

His second surgery – which was right after his third birthday – was to remove the tubes from his ears and do a skin graft on his eardrum.

This third surgery – which he’ll have next month – is simply to put a tube back in one ear. Apparently his right ear just isn’t doing very well without the assistance of a tube and the doctor has concerns that the resulting hearing problems will inhibit his learning capabilities once he gets into a classroom setting.

I’ve had two surgeries in my entire life, and I’m 35. This poor kid is on his third surgery, giving him a ratio of one surgery a year.

I thought about saying no to the surgery. Ultimately, the decision is mine after all, and I would love to think that maybe his ear would just suddenly get better on its own and he wouldn’t need the surgery after all. On the other hand, I want him to have all the advantages of normal hearing and would rather he didn’t have to go from one ear infection to another.

Of course, all the usual thoughts go through my head. Is he going into surgery for no reason? Does the doctor just want to make money from insurance companies by doing one procedure after another? It’s incredibly frustrating to not know all the stuff doctors learn in medical school, so we’re essentially at their mercy when it comes to getting an opinion. It all boils down to trusting someone who knows more than I do.

It still makes me nervous, though, and I hate putting my son through it. In the long run I hope it’s the right decision.

This book starts out with a warning from the author to parents.  Readers are urged to not get overwhelmed by what they are about to read.  It’s a lot of information, the author admits, but don’t freak out.  I read that part and then continued on to the rest of the book, and promptly freaked out.

Plastic bottles? Don’t use them because they’ll poison you.  Lotion? No way; it will seep into your skin and pollute your insides.  Don’t even think of the term “aerosol air fresheners” because you might lose consciousness from the anxiety that will undoubtedly ensue.

At least, that’s how it seems at first.  I was assaulted with a bunch of information that really made me want to pack up my kids and go live in a cave that was first tested for lead before we moved in.  After I got over the initial nervousness from what I was reading, however, I started to digest what was being presented and realized that this is the perfect book for any parents who want to create a better environment for their kids.  This isn’t just about how to be greener, but also how to be safer and healthier.  After all, if you don’t really care about the environment, my guess is that you at least care about the well-being of your offspring in one way or another, right?

One of the best parts of this book are all the “recipes” for healthy, environmentally-friendly items such as household cleaners and finger paint.  Everything is easy to follow and actually a lot less expensive than the stuff you can buy in the stores.  It helped me a lot that the author didn’t just say, “Don’t use toxic cleaners!” but instead said, “Use this instead, and you can make it yourself.  You’re so clever!” I’m paraphrasing there, by the way.

Another thing I really liked about this book were all the excerpts from famous parents.  Some of them were incredibly environmentally conscious while others had changed some things but were still using disposable diapers or hadn’t given up their gas-guzzling cars.  The point is that even little changes can make a difference in the health of your children and your impact on the environment, and that’s an incredibly valuable lesson to learn…even if it initially freaks you out a little.

Available now at Amazon.com

My friend told me a story about when she was pregnant and her milk suddenly showed up unexpectedly. She was out to lunch with her husband and mother-in-law when she suddenly realized everyone was staring at her chest.  She looked down and was horrified to see that her breasts were leaking milk right through her shirt and everyone at the table was watching, wide-eyed.  Without warning, her mother-in-law burst into tears of happiness, announcing to the whole restaurant that her soon-to-be-born grandchild would indeed have milk to drink.  My friend was a little horrified, but at the same time was glad to know that she wasn’t going to have any problems with her milk.

My milk didn’t show up until after my baby was born, but I did have some warning signs that it was on its way. My breasts getting bigger was the first sign, but I think it was when I was around seven months pregnant that I started feeling soreness in my breasts that I had never felt before. It wasn’t necessarily painful, but it felt like something was going on. Changes were happening, and I was happy at the prospect of the milk getting ready to make its appearance.

When I was closer to my due date I noticed what looked like dried colostrum on my nipples. There wasn’t a lot of it and it wasn’t bothersome, but I was really happy when I noticed it. I think I was afraid that my milk might not ever show up and I wouldn’t be able to nurse my baby, but seeing this let me know that it was on its way.

I never did have a moment when any milk dripped out before I had my baby. Believe me, though, when I say that it didn’t take long after labor until suddenly my breasts were huge and I had more than enough milk available. If I hadn’t been looking for the signs beforehand then I may not have noticed all the changes my breasts were going through. For this reason, I urge you to not panic if you don’t notice any huge changes to your breasts indicative of milk on the way.

After all, if you’re anything like me you’ll have plenty of opportunities after the baby is born to have your milk leak while at a restaurant with in-laws.

I’ll never forget the moment when I was absolutely sure that I just couldn’t keep going as a mom.  My two year old was having a fitful sleep and kept waking me up with her yelps from the nightmares she was having.  My newborn was sleeping in the bed with me because it was the only way we could get him to sleep.  My husband was asleep downstairs because he couldn’t handle getting woken up several times an hour, so I was left to deal with it all on my own.

My son woke up crying, so I woke up and discovered that his diaper had leaked all over us, so both him and I were covered with pee.  The bed was soaked but I didn’t have the gumption to get up and get new sheets because I was exhausted.  It then hit me that I was completely willing to sleep in a puddle of pee because I didn’t have the energy to go get new sheets, so I started crying right along with my son.  I held him and cried, and figured that if there was a breaking point for moms then it probably looked a little something like this: a sobbing mom sitting in a puddle of pee with a crying newborn.

Ah, memories.

If you’re a new parent then you can expect to have moments like this.  You might not wind up in the exact same situation – I really hope you don’t, by the way – but it could be any number of things.  I had one friend who absolutely lost it on her father-in-law when he ate the last banana in the house that was supposed to be for her baby’s breakfast.  I had another friend who called me sobbing in a panic because she just couldn’t stand looking at the walls in her house anymore, yet couldn’t fathom gathering her twin boys into the car to leave.  A few years later, all of us are competent moms who only break down sobbing once in a great while, and usually because our kids do something so moving that we cry from good emotions.

The point is that you can get through the really tough times with your baby.  Yes, there will be times when you are so exhausted and so emotional that you feel like you simply can’t do anything other than stay in bed and cry, but try to keep it all in perspective.  You’re tired, you’re hormonal, and chances are you’re a little overwhelmed by the thought of being responsible for another life.  It’s no wonder we all crack once in a while.

You can do it.  Trust me.

I love free stuff. I really love free stuff when it’s the type of stuff I would buy in the store anyhow, and having it for free just makes me want to dance.

No, it doesn’t take much to make me happy.

I was at a playdate a couple of months ago and a mom there started talking about Bzz Agent, a website she uses to get free stuff. She made the claim that this website had sent her all sorts of great stuff for free and that all she was obligated to do was to let people know what she thought about the products. She never had to return anything and it wasn’t even as though the website wanted her to be some sort of covert agent; she was supposed to tell people, “Hey, I got this for free, and this is what I thought of it.”

It sounded a bit too good to be true, but as an avid HouseParty member, I know that if you fall into whatever demographic a certain company is looking for they’ll be willing to send you a bunch of free stuff in the hopes that you’ll tell your friends and family about how much you love the product. I went to the Bzz Agent website and signed up.

In about a week I got an e-mail inviting me to join a Bzz Agent campaign. I answered a few questions about dishwashing detergent and was told a Bzz Kit would be sent to me soon.  I didn’t know what that meant but figured it would be a sample for me to try.  A few weeks later I received a package in the mail containing a full-sized bottle of Palmolive dishwashing detergent, a handful of single-use samples and a packet of $1 off coupons. All they wanted me to do was try the product, talk about it to people and hand out some samples. I also submitted a report on the website about what I thought of the product and about who I had told about it, but from what I can tell the reports are completely optional.

It didn’t stop there.  So far I’ve received a free Glad Sense & Spray, two cans of Diet Mountain Dew and a coupon for a free 12 pack (yes, they sent the two cans through the mail!) and now I’m waiting for the next product I’ve been promised, which is coupon for a free Taco Bell meal. All of this comes right to my mailbox and I don’t even have to pay shipping.

If you like free stuff like me – and you like to tell people what you think of products like I do – then join the Bzz Agent program.

Let’s face it: Babies and toddlers have temper tantrums at the most inopportune times.  Whether you’re in line at the grocery store or sitting in a church service, young kids seem to have a sixth sense about when it is the worst time to start crying and get upset.  Some might make the claim that it’s harder to deal with babies when they have these fits since they can’t really tell you why they are upset, but remind me to tell you about the tantrum my three year old son had the other day where he slapped me across the face and told me “Shut up!”

But I digress.

It can be really tough to keep your cool when your baby is freaking out.  It’s one thing when you can pinpoint the issue, such as when a diaper needs changing or you know your baby is way overdue for a nap.  It’s another thing when your baby just starts flipping out for no apparent reason.  Does something hurt? Does she want a specific toy? Is she scared by something that you don’t see?

It’s only made worse when there are people around you giving you that tsk-tsk look that some people give.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about printing up a shirt to wear that says Unless you’re going to offer me help with my kids, keep your critical glances to yourself.  I never did get that shirt printed up but I have perfected conveying the same message through an equally critically counter-glance.

So how do you keep your cool when your baby is having a full-blown tantrum? It’s important to remember that the younger your child is, the less likely it is that what you’re experiencing is an actual “tantrum.”  Young babies start crying and fussing as a result of being unable to say, “Mom, I’m hungry,” or “Mom, that guy with the beard is scaring the heck out of me because I’ve never seen a beard before.”  When a baby is young, this certainly isn’t the time to discipline.  You can’t hope to get a newborn to stop crying by delivering a stern speech about how to act in public.

It’s better to try to soothe your baby while also getting through whatever it is you’re doing.  If you’re in line at a grocery store, it may be worth it to simply finish your transaction and let your baby have a cry in the stroller.  If your baby is in your arms it makes it a little harder, but keep in mind that the world doesn’t stop because your baby is upset.  In other words, you can’t expect everyone around you to be nice for long if you hold up a line of shoppers so you can soothe your baby with a lullaby.

Above all else, just do what you can to stay calm.  Your baby can probably sense your mood, so if you freak out then your baby will be even more scared because she’s looking for you to fix the problem instead of making it worse.  Believe me when I say that it’s not always possible to not get a little frazzled.  There have been plenty of times when I was ready to hang up my Mommy hat because I was so taken aback by my kid’s temper tantrum.  Just remember: stay calm, stay focused, and remember that this too shall pass.