Autistic families removed from restaurant, airplane
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Anywhere you go in public, it seems, there’s a wild child controlling her parents. Last week, two events have unfolded leaving many heads shaking, eyebrows raised and fingers pointed.
First, a woman was not allowed to board her connecting flight from Detroit to Seattle. As reported by local news outlets and cnn.com, Wendy Slaughter admitted that her four children were out of control between Detroit and Phoenix, and that flight attendants had asked her to get them settled down. But she was caught off guard when she was not allowed to get on the plane in Phoenix.
Then, a family was asked to leave a family restaurant in Canada after a fellow patron complained. Apparently, Sarah Seymour’s five year old girl started throwing a fit when she learned that her favorite meal was not on the menu that night.
What connects these two stories is not just a “bratty” kid, but a child living with Autism.
The conversations I have heard about these stories seem to revolve around whether or not the moms should have been able to control their children, and who bore the burden of responsibility. I think I see both sides of it.
I do not have an autistic child, but I have had very close contact with several, and I have done enough research to know that parents of these children can’t always employ the same discipline techniques that other parents can use. But I have also been in a restaurant and on an airplane with children who drove me crazy, and I know that autistic children are very able to understand consequences.
So, who was at fault here? Both moms asked for apologies. Ms. Slaughter received a refund of her ticket price (after leaving her stranded), but no “sorry.” Ms. Seymore did receive a public apology (after the manager suggested the autistic child should not be out in public), as well as a promise from the restaurant to better train their employees about autism and raise money for autism research.
Do parents of autistic children bear the burden of ensuring that their kids do not ever make other people uncomfortable? Certainly that is part of the goal for all children, especially autistic kids who tend to have outbursts. But do the companies also share the burden to accommodate all of their patrons–regardless of disability?
In the end, I do think that it was the parents’ responsibility to make sure their children were up for the challenge. But I also think that people could be a little more understanding of a family that clearly is trying to teach a child how to interact with the public. How else will they learn?
What do you think? Were the airline and restaurant in the wrong for being intolerant toward a child with a disability? Or were they right for protecting the interests of dozens or hundreds of other patrons?
Science-mom says...
Interesting post about difficult situations. I suppose an airline has the right to stop people from boarding if they present a threat to the safety of the flight. On the other hand, kids with autism and their prents also deserve a break. Training airline staff/restaurant employees about how to deal with autism is a great idea. To be honest, I wouldn’t know how to deal with an autistic child and I would love to learn.
Melissa H says...
Honestly I think that there is a need for a little more information on autism, especially when it comes to outsiders dealing with a sticky situation. I have been the diner who is completely put out by other peoples children… but I have also been with a friend who is trying to have a “normal” life with an autistic child. She should not be doomed to eating at home and sneaking out to shop only when there is a trusted babysitter to be had. But at the same time I don’t get to go out very often and when we do splurg the idea of a kid next to us going ballistic is a little offputting. What my friend does is goes out a little earlier than peak time and asks for a table where a child with impulse control problems won’t be an issue. Not ideal to have to share personal and private info… but it often does the trick.
Dawn says...
That’s a very rough call indeed. The rights of the many diners v. the rights of one family?
I think increased education about autism is the key. At least then, if the establishment does choose to ask the family to leave, they are coming from a place of understanding and have simply made a business decision in the interests of their customers.
Sometimes, parents of autistic children will have to make a rough judgment call… leave someplace if your child is misbehaving, or tough it out? (Parents of non-autistic children, of course, have the same dilemma–I do understand that sometimes, a child having a tantrum just cannot be stopped!)
If it’s rough on the fellow flyers/diners, I can just imagine how bad it is for the poor mother!
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Irma says...
My son has autism. He will be three years old. Going anywhere is a chore. Our library trips are ten minutes long. I also have a ten year old and a four year old. These kids are not spoiled or brats. There autism prevents them from enjoying life. It is so hard on the other kids. My husband is in the service and he’s finally home. What should I have done for the year he was gone? Not go out? Not go to the grocery store? Try stepping in our shoes for one day. Life is so hard. With no babysitter what do you do? You try to be the best mother you can be to all your kids. That mom was just protecting her child. I applaud her and hope that people learn more about autism. God Bless