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There is just no way round it when they are small. We take our babies and toddlers -regardless of their gender - to the bathroom of our choice depending on our gender. Most of the time it’s at the Ladies’ where the changing tables usually are. But as the toddlers become kids, and gender issues kick in, things can become a bit confusing, even embarrassing when the kid’s gender does not match that of the parent he/she is with.

Taking little boys to the Ladies’

I had 2 twin baby boys who went with me to the Ladies’ all the time. As they grew older, they could also go with their Dad to the Men’s. And of course, the questions had to come. What’s the difference? I left it to the man to talk to his little men about the facts of life. Now they’ve reached the age - at 5 - when they feel they don’t belong in a ladies’ room anymore. And they resent it now when they have to go just because Mommy has to.

Taking Mommy to the Men’s

This happened for the first time when my twin boys were 3, and just barely out of their nappies. They simply and urgently had to go. And McDonalds at Frankfurt main train station was the place to go. Except that there were 10 or more ladies lined up in front of us. No choice. They had to go to the men’s room. With me. Their Mommy. The men inside were quite startled at my entrance but understood when they saw the boys. As you can imagine, this had to happen a couple of times. And it’s not fun for Mommy.

Taking Daddy to the Ladies’

I take my boys to swimming classes once a week. But then one day Dad had to take over. The boys, eager to show their Dad a place unfamiliar to him, sprinted straight towards the ladies’ changing room, with their Dad at their heels. You can imagine the ladies’ indignation and my husband’s embarrassment.

Are they old enough to go on their own?

At age 5, my boys reached the stage when they can go to the Men’s on their own, as long as Mommy stands guard outside the door. And men going in and out would always stare at me curiously. There are still times when somebody shouts “Mommy!” from within and I had to go inside to the rescue.

A friend of mine, with a boy of about the same age, is a bit more prudent than I am. She has this thing about paedophilia and she’s never let her boy go to the bathroom alone. I always make my boys go together so they can watch out for each other.

I still take my boys to the Ladies’ changing room at the pool though. I feel that some ladies are not so comfortable about having such “big” boys around. I can understand this. At 5, they are getting more aware of gender issues. However, I don’t think they are old enough to be in a pool’s changing room by themselves. There are pools though with family dressing rooms. This makes life easier, especially if Daddy comes along and we only have a single sports bag for all our things.

I suppose that with regards to the bathroom/changing room issues, life is simpler for moms with little girls but then it’s complicated for their dads. And for those with multiple kids of different genders, how do you manage at all?

Tags: bathroom, children, gender, gender issues, parents