Fathers Are Parents Too
I’m a dad who works outside the home, with a wife who is a stay at home mom. Subsequently, by the simple laws of physics (combined with the fact that the nature of my job does not allow me to work the night shift while my family sleeps), I am the secondary caregiver to my daughter. She is more comfortable with my wife because my wife is the more familiar parent. My wife feeds her two out of three meals alone, puts her down for her nap, and is her only playmate some days.
But that doesn’t mean that I’m not involved in my daughter’s upbringing. I try to be the bath parent, and I try to spend time playing with her and taking care of her. (A mantra that can be heard around our house is, “Daddy is my parent too.”)
So here is where I go on a bit of a rant.
Both men and women are guilty of this, although from my personal experience, men are more likely to do it. When a father is taking care of his kid or kids alone, he is parenting not babysitting. Babysitting is something you do for someone else’s kids, not your own. Call it “flying solo”, or “on my own”, or “fending for myself”, or “completely terrified”; whatever suits your fancy. But don’t call it babysitting. Fathers are parents too.
And another phrase: “Mr. Mom”. Mr. Mom? Seriously? If a woman was outside adjusting the timing belt on my car (regardless of how hot that image might be to some men), what would happen if I called her “Mrs. Dad”? Exactly. The term “Mr. Mom” implies that regular parents are moms, and that when dads do the same things, they’re not doing “their” jobs. Dads feed their kids, they dress them, they change their poopy diapers, they give them baths and sing them songs and read them stories. They are parents, just like mothers are parents. Don’t call them “Mr. Mom”. Fathers are parents too.
In this world of arguably excessive political correctness, where nobody says a SAHM “doesn’t work”, where I call myself a dad who “works outside the home” instead of a working dad (because a SAHD works too), it is incredible that this type of language persists. Bottom line, fathers are parents too.
What phrases do you find outdated or even downright offensive? Do you feel similarly about the ones I mentioned above? Are there other ones in a similar vein that I failed to note? Share them in the comments, please.
You can read more SciFi Dad at Tales From The Dad Side.
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Dawn says...
I only wish you were right that “nobody” says a SAHM “doesn’t work.”
Unfortunately *that* attitude is still pervasive, too. As are terms like “yummy mummy” and MILF.
SciFi Dad, I do agree with you, but women face these stereotypes, too. And no, a woman adjusting the timing belt on her car may not be called Mr. Dad, but she would face other stereotypes, perhaps being called “butch” or worse. (SOME men find women who work on their own cars hot… other men *and* women find something inherently “off” about it. Although I think the women who say mean things about these women just feel threatened by them.)
You’re right…but please don’t think it’s only men that face gender stereotype terminology.
SciFi Dad says...
@Dawn – I did not mean to imply that only men suffer these kinds of gender-based generalizations. However, when it comes to parenting specifically, it seems (to me, at least, as a man) that we get the lion’s share of the negative generalizations.
SciFi Dads last blog post..All That Matters
AndreAnna says...
Don’t even get me started! LOL
As a working mother who has a flexible job to stay home three days a week, I have a taste of both worlds. I also have a husband who is as much a parent as I am and has made himself a schedule so he can be home by 230 every day. He has to fight to be defined as an equal parent and I have to fight that woman can work AND be good mothers.
I’m just so sick of the whole gender bias thing in general, men or women.
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