Let Moms Be Moms
Do you ever feel frustrated with society’s attitude towards moms and babies?
The world seems to be pushing babies to be mini adults. (Why can’t we let babies be babies?) and moms are expected to be 14 different things at once.
I am very happy it’s 2008 and not 1958 where the only “correct” type of mother has 3.8 kids, cleans the house, cooks a three-course dinner for her husband every night, and does it all in lipstick, immaculate hair and high heels.
It is great that we’ve progressed from only one type of mom. Modern mothers can be working moms, stay at home moms, work at home moms, then there’s stay at home dads, and everything in between.
Working moms are (deservedly) praised for managing work and home and motherhood – and much respect to you if that’s what you do.
But now it’s the stay-at-home moms (SAHMs) who are getting the flak. I’ve been asked a couple of times lately why I didn’t want to have a job. Or what interests do I have apart from my son? Like being a stay-at-home mom is somehow second-rate to moms who go to work, or jetset around the world like Madonna.
Clearly being a stay-at-home mom is a job, and much more work than many jobs that require you to get dressed and go to an office every day. It’s also the best and only job I want to have. And it’s the most interesting thing I do. Watching my son grow up, and learn new things is fascinating, rewarding, and fills me with joy every second of every day. (Let me correct that. He’s in the deliberatly-throwing-milk-on-the-carpet stage at the moment. So everything apart from that.)
There’s nothing second-rate about being a stay-at-home mom. Moms of all types – working, work at home, stay-at-home, whatever you do – are all equally loving, wonderful mothers doing the very best for their children.
Stay-at-home moms deserve just as much praise as any other type of mom, and if you’ve decided to devote this time of your life to your children and your family, you’ve made a great decision. Children are only small for such a short time, and I don’t want to waste this precious time working (even though money is tight) or doing things for me at the expense of spending time with my son (although I did give him to Daddy and spent an hour in the bath reading a book last Saturday).
I’ve found the right balance for me and my family. I hope that you have too, and perhaps if you are reading this and have been feeling pressured to do more than be a stay at home mom, take a deep breath, and think about it – what makes you happiest in all the world? Being with your children? Then ignore the pressure, and
carrying on giving your whole heart to being a stay-at-home mom.
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Laurie Conroy says...
Finally, someone I can totally agree with. I have 4 kids and have been at home for 12 years. I am constantly tripping over my tongue when I am asked “And What do you do?”. It’s nice to know that there are others like me and proud of it. Bravo!
Rita says...
Glad you have found the balance, I’m still searching for some much needed me time. Having fun though as a stay at home mom.
Alison says...
Thank you for your comments – how refreshing to hear that I am not alone out there. Sometimes, standing on a playground with only nannies and grandparents to talk to while my son plays with the other children, I wonder if I am the only woman left in the world who decided to stay at home while my son is young. I enjoy making cookies for an afternoon snack – I have fun getting messy in a sandbox with trucks – I like to create maasterpieces on the easel – that is my full time job right now. I used to be a teacher – paid to teach other people’s children. Well, for now, I am going to be my son’s full time teacher – no pay but the rewards are great!
jess k says...
I have to agree that SAHMs are getting some flak right now. My friend keeps getting asked when she is “going to do something with her life?”
I just wish I could stay home with my baby. He is just 8 months old and I feel that time is flying by. I am afraid I won’t get to see him walk or talk for the first time and that those precious moments will be wasted on daycare.
Nicole says...
I have been home with my son for almost 2 years now. I am happy being a SAHM, but sometimes I do long for the work-a-day world with adult conversation and different kinds of challenges. So for now, I blog, volunteer for our local Birth Center and organize a parents group. And add to that managing a household and taking care of a toddler, so I’m busy and fulfilled. Every day isn’t a party or even interesting. But every day I get a little bit of a look at the individual my son is becoming and I am so grateful that I am able to spend all day with him. I wish that it was possible for every parent who wanted to be home with their kids were able to do it. We need better support for all parents, financial, social, etc.
Science-mom says...
In this corner of the earth called Switzerland where I am now living, being a SAHM is the norm and the other type of mom – the working one -gets the flak.
I think women should have the right to choose how they approach motherhood and other people – and society as a whole – should respect (and support!) this right.