Let Babies Be Babies
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I had coffee with some mom friends the other day. We were chatting, and one mom confessed that she still swaddled her 4-month-old daughter. A bit later in the conversation, and another mom said she felt really bad that her one-year-old still needed her to put him to bed.
Woah, hold on a minute. Swaddling a 4-month-old? Gee, next thing you know you’ll be swaddling her as a teenager. And needing to put a one-year-old to bed? You are going down a very slippery slope, he’ll be calling you when he’s 30 to sing a lullaby every night.
Sorry for the sarcasm, and I do know that adults in this world don’t get very far unless they can brush their own teeth and feed themselves and manage to get their own pajamas on, but babies are babies. Please, moms, let them be babies.
I’m emotional today because my son just turned two and other than still being in diapers, there’s barely a trace of babyhood about him. He’s becoming a little boy and oh boy, did it go fast.
Becoming independent is so important, but there really is so much time for them to learn it. Babies are babies for about three nanoseconds so don’t rush them through it. Going to sleep seems to be the stick that baby “experts” like to bash parents with most, there’s so many baby books on the market exhorting parents to get baby in her own crib and her own room and fall asleep by herself as soon as possible.
There’s no need to rush a one-year-old to be able to put themselves to bed. Some babies can fall asleep by themselves quite happily. Most can’t, and most really, truly want mom or dad there as they fall asleep. And if you can let go of what the baby manuals are telling you (Dr. Ferber, I Mean You) then if you have the luxury of being able to be there, then you really, truly do want to be there with your baby as she/he falls asleep.It’s one of the most treasured part of my day, holding my son as he falls asleep, and I don’t feel a shred of guilt that I’m putting him to bed.
I know that one day he’ll tell me he’s a big boy, and he doesn’t need me there. I don’t think it will be long before that day will come. And I’ll be so proud, and my heart will break too. So until that day, every night I get to watch him fall asleep is unbelievably precious.
So listen to your heart, and your baby. If it’s clashing with what the baby books tell you, don’t do it. Listen to your wonderful mother’s instinct, and love and adore your amazing, precious baby for what she is – an amazing, precious baby.
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Tricia says...
I just put my 13 month old down to nap. It’s late for her usual nap, so she was restless and had trouble staying put. So… I did what I haven’t done in most of a year, I swaddled her! She got so physically relaxed once I put her down in her wrapped up blanket, and looked at me in the eyes in such a warm way I knew she was emotionally relaxed too just with me being there, and fell asleep. Not only did I stay with her until she was asleep, I found myself staring an extra ten minutes just in awe of how precious and beautiful she is. Thank you for posting this, and encouraging moms to do what they know inside, is the best.
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Carrie says...
I totally agree. My son is 13 months and he is already incredibly independent. He won’t let me carry him because he wants to walk. He won’t let me hug him for more than a few seconds unless he is tired because I’m interrupting his play time. He has trouble sleeping and falling asleep and it is really the only time he truly wants me to be close to him. He’s grown up so fast. He was drinking from a sippy cup by 10 months. He was walking by 11 months. He is 30 inches tall, which is Half my height (I’m only 5ft). They really do grow up so fast. I miss the quiet days before he was a mover and a shaker and he just napped all the time and wanted to snuggle.
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Kassi says...
Wow…I don’t know where to begin. Some children need that love and affection at the age of four. I teach four year olds and when we lay down for naps me and my assistant cover them up and rub there backs. Some parents are too busy these days and that is the only affection they receive. I am not taking naps away from these little guys either. They grow up fast enough as it is. Yes, I am mother of a sweet and happy nine month old baby girl. If I am home and she is tired we lay down together and she lays on my chest and sleeps. If she is not on my chest asleep then she is on either side of me and i lay my cheek on her head. She sleeps in her own bed at night and I rock her to sleep before I lay her down. She is a very independent little one at nine months old. She has been since she was able to sit up. I am sorry but we are so busy in this world that the one hour that I get to lay down with my daughter is the most relaxing hour of my day. I look forward to it when I get home. Life is too short. Let them grow at there own rate…they will be okay.
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Stephanie says...
Yes, you said it…I don’t know why there are so many people out there pushing their babies to grow up so fast!!! My son turns 2 next month, and he’s been sleeping with me since he was a month old, and I love it. I know that I’m not doing anything wrong, I know that when he’s 15 I won’t have to ly him down and nurse him to sleep! They are only babies once, for a short short SHORT time…ENJOY THEM!
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Trish says...
Also it is well documented that children who receive the attention that they need, and whose general needs are filled, end up to be more secure and independent children and adults. This is the whole philosophy behind attachment parenting.
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Science-mom says...
And let little kids be kids …I hate it when people expect little kids to act like adults … in restaurants, buses, and trains, some people (no kids, I bet) would stare disapprovingly at kids (and their parents) who don`t “behave.”
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Daddy Hypes says...
nice discussion here. i’ve been reading blogs from experienced parents cos we just had our first baby – she’ll be turning one month next week. i couldnt imagine yet how would i feel once my daughter starts doing things on her own. at the moment, i even wish i could bring her to work.
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