Aww, What a Pretty Little Girl!
Thank you. Moms just love to get compliments about their children, don’t they?
Except that he’s a boy.
My son, almost two, is usually to be found wearing a dark blue shirt with a firetruck on the front, grey (or similar color) sweatpants, dark blue boots, and will be clutching one or more of the following: plastic snake, plastic beetle, real beetle, plastic alien, plastic pirate, stick, pebble, truck of some kind.
But he has long blond curly hair, and long blond curly hair seems to surpass all the other “boy” things about him. It’s not even that long, just below his collar. It’s never been cut, so it’s the hair he was born with. I can’t bear to cut it.
What’s wrong with long hair on boys? Plenty of adult male people have long hair, and no-one thinks they are girls, do they?
I’m not the only one, although I seem to be in a minority, especially in the Midwest. Perhaps I should move to Hollywood?
Cindy Crawford, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Julia Roberts’ sons have, or have had, long hair at one time.
Kate Hudson is quite well known for her 4-year-old son Ryder’s long hair, although she cites “religious reasons” for not cutting it.
I’m just too much of a wimp and I’ll cry if I have to chop off his baby hair.
The current plan is to get it cut if it looks like it will get caught on things, or when he asks for a haircut.
So what are your feelings on long hair for boys? Awful, or cool, or just don’t care?
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Science-mom says...
I don`t mind long hair on my boys. In fact, I find them cute. But their Dad does. He says they look so wild. He cuts their happy every 3 to 4 months. Then they`d look so much like real big boys that I feel like I`ve lost my babies overnight.
Dawn Allcot says...
I think long, golden curls probably look gorgeous on a boy!!
Remember, though, men with long hair sometimes get mistaken for women (especially from behind) as well… it’s something they live with for their choice. (But it’s more embarrassing for other people when they realize their mistake… probably a source of amusement to the men!)
I’m not in your town, so I can’t say for certain, but I bet it’s not people being unaccepting of your choice–they are just unobservant.
I would say something exactly like you posted in the blog, “Actually, he’s a boy. But thank you. I think so, too!” Don’t even justify w/ an explanation… (Although if I was in a bad mood, I’d probably add something like: “Note the firetruck and plastic snake?”
Which would probably result in a debate with a total stranger about gender roles and stereotypes–girls can like firetrucks and play with snakes, too.
Yeah, your best bet is simply a “Thank you. He’s a boy.”
Dawn
Ashley says...
My 8 month old has extremely long eyelashes and big blue eyes. Ever since he was born he has been mistaken for a girl. I totally know where you are coming from! I think Long hair is just fine as long as it’s in good taste!
justine says...
i have an almost-3-yr-old boy who people mistake for a girl all the time!! hes got hair about to the base of his neck and bangs too…its not like i dress him all girly or anything… “oh what a pretty little girl!” “oh, he’s a boy…hes just got girly hair” …but his hair is like sooooooo cute…its like red and blond and brown all highlights and stuff…people even ask if i color his hair… i came on the internet this time to look for a way to cut his hair so people wouldnt think he was a girl anymore…but now i think i’m just gonna keep it how it is
Samantha says...
I don’t mind long hair on little boys at all. In fact, most of the time I think it’s cute. But I work in a children’s store and we have a mom who brings in child who is about 4 1/2, I think. He has very long, beautiful blonde hair nearly to midback. I always thought he was a girl until one of the other women said something and she just smiled and corrected her.
But one time he’ll have his hair just down straight, next time its in curls, and a couple of times, its been in pigtails – complete with bows.
I kinda think maybe he was SUPPOSED to be a girl!
Jackie says...
You know, I’m beginning to believe things like Samantha was relating are happening with a much greater frequency than it used to. I know exactly what she’s talking about with a boy in pigtails with bows on the ends. We’ve got a mother who brings her two sons probably about 3 and 5 in like that all the time. They are absolutely indistinguishable in appearance from little girls although I will admit they act more like boys. Is anyone else seeing this sort of thing?
Jennifer says...
Hey all. This conversation looks a little old and I just stumbled onto it, but I do have a bit to add.
Jackie, when you say that little boys with “girl’s” hairstyles are happening at a much greater frequency, you’re certainly right. I’m a cosmetologist (and mom!!) and work at a salon that does a lot of children’s hair. You wouldn’t believe how common it is for little boys to come in with ‘girl’ hair. Probably the most common are high ponytails or pigtails (and yes, frequently with ribbons or bows). Barrettes and clips are also common. I also see lots of French braids or braided pigtails, and boys with very long hair that is obviously intentionally long (i.e., not the result of neglectful hair-care). I would say that I probably see at least 2 of these types of things per week on average. And, of course, those are just the ones that I know are boys! There was one child of about 4 or 5 who came in with her mother on a regular basis that had very long hair (mid-back) with blunt-cut bangs down to the eyebrows. Her hair was freuqently in bouncy curls–obviously the result of a curling iron–when she came in with her mom. I had seen her probably 4 or 5 times before I ended up giving her a trim and found out that ’she’ was named Allen. By that point, I’d seen a few things and wasn’t too shocked, but still…..
I’ve only been working there a little over a year, and it’s been eye-opening. Some parents (because it’s not just moms) are probably thinking “what the heck, barrettes are easy”. But there are others who are obviously more systematic. And hairstyles aren’t the only thing either. I’ve seen a few other things that are probably more shocking.
Samantah says...
I’ll probably be sorry but I’ve got to ask, Jennifer, what were the more shocking things? Inquiring minds want to know
Jennifer says...
Samantha,
Well, I probably sounded a little more dramatic than I really intended when I said “shocking”, but there have been some eye-opening moments for me since going to work at this particular salon.
Besides the hair-related things I described before, I see a lot of little boys wearing nail polish. I admit that I can’t really throw stones here b/c my 2 1/2-year old son has worn his share on his fingers and toes, much to my husband’s chagin
There are also boys that come in wearing clothes that are certainly more geared towards girls. Most of the time it’s just a top in a “girlish” color with a little bow or lace, or a t-shirt with some graphic like Dora the Explorer or a Disney Princess. For the most part, they are probably hand-me-downs that are simply too good to waste. But there have been 2 or 3 boys that I have seen come in wearing dresses. But there’s only 1 boy I’ve seen in a dress repeatedly. He’s probably 3 or 4 and comes in often with his mother. About half the time he looks like a little boy (though with long hair), but at least 3 times he’s come in wearing a dress. And not just wearing it–he looks really pretty!! The dresses fit him well (probably bought for him rather than hand-me-downs), his hair is always super-cute, his nails are polished, and I think that at least the last time he was wearing a touch of makeup. Anyway, he doesn’t seem bothered by it at all and he actually seems to enjoy the attnetion he gets because the other women at the salon and I fuss over him quite a bit because he is so pretty. I think most of us that work there think that it’s a little weird, but we don’t want to make the boy uncomfortable, and his mother is a steady client who seems normal enough in most repsects.
Probably the thing I’ve seen that would most border on “shocking” was back around Christmas, one of our regulars brought in her 3-year old son to have him “done” for a pageant, and he wasn’t entering it dressed as a boy. He’d always had long hair (below his shoulders) but we were all surprised because he’d never looked girlish when he’d come in before. But apparently his mother and grandmother had decided that he was pretty enough to compete and, to be honest, they were right. We didn’t get to see him in his dress, but he looked extremely pretty when he left the salon. We found out later that he didn’t win though
As I said, I’ve only been at the salon for a little over a year, but that indicent made me wonder about those sorts of things. I asked our owner who has been there for years about it. She said that she’d seen that sort of thing before, but not too frequently. She said that most of the time that she had made over boys had been for costumes or drama and that sort of occassion, but she also mentioned other incidents as well.
One really interesting thing is that I didn’t see this sort of thing nearly so often when I worked in a bigger city. But I moved recently and my current salon is in a suburban area and it happens a lot more here. I guess I would have expected the opposite pattern for some reason.
stephanie says...
I’m a hairdresser and have also seen several boys come in to our salon with curls and barrettes in their hair.They are about 5 to 8 all have long hair. We polish all little girls nails for free while their mothers get their hair done this includes the boys I’m talking about at the reqest of their mothers. One mother wanted us to perm her 9 yr old sons long hair. i have done a roller set on a boy for a wedding and actually pinned his sides back off his face. Ihave curled highschol boys hair for school dances and proms. Most off the small boys look very much like girls, even 2 of them have their ears pierced.
Jennifer says...
Stephanie,
It doesn’t surprise me that you’ve seen similar things as I have, but you’re the first stylist from a salon besides my own that I’ve heard mention this. I have to admit that this trend fascinates me and I’d like to hear more about your experiences. However, I don’t want to clog up this blog on a topic that is obviously not the real purpose. If you don’t mind sharing your experience, you could email me at very.jenny@yahoo.com No big deal if you’d rather not.
Karen says...
Hi,
I just found this thread and wanted to let you know that I am also a hairdresser for going on 10 years and have done a number of boys that were brought in by their mothers for hairstyling services. I have probably worked on at least 18 boys in my time. Most have seemed quite happy to be getting their hair done and if they seem apprehensive in the least I will refuse. I have only refused on 2 occasions. There was one boy in particular that I remember, he was about 9 years old and had long brown hair to his waist and his mom asked to have it trimmed to mid back and wanted him to get a spiral perm like one of his girl friends at school. I thought that was a little bit much and asked the boy if he wanted his hair done like that. He said he did so I cut and permed his hair and when it was done both he and his mother were very happy with the results. Since that time he has come back numerous times and is now 16 and though he wears his hair in a most decidedly feminine way, I think he enjoys being a femme boy rather than a girl. Sorry if this goes on for long but I just wanted to add my two cents to this discussion.
Judi says...
Hi,
My hairdresser has thre different little boys who accompany their mother to the salon quite frequently. The boys are all similar in that they are markedly feminine and have mothers that are not at all bashful about showing them off. They are very proud of their girlish boys although only one of them brings her five-year-old in a dress. (I know them personally) The other two boys are usually wearing girlish clothes but the mothers have stopped short of putting them in a complete girl’s outfit. I think all the boys look cute and I am pleased that our stylists are non judgmental, quite willing to give the boys a girl’s hair style. The children are obviously loved by their mothers and that is what is important. If you’d like to know more about my friendship with one of the moms, drop me a note at judi.emmerich@yahoo.com It is important to support moms who do not feel compelled to go along with the crowd.
stephanie says...
Jenn heres info on some of my boys. I did spiral curls nails and makeup on 2 16yr old boys for a school dance I pinned the curls up on one and back off the other, not sure what they were wearing. The little boy I did the roller set on sat still better than any girl his age. His mother wanted his curls pinned off his face so he could play, also polished his nails a pale pink. We have a 5 yr old boy who always has his hair curled and wears barbie ear rings he has both ears pierced his name is Lonnie. Most times he has a barrette on top or in the back. his mother gets his hair trimmed and curled every 5 weeks along with hers. we have an 8 yr old boy with long hair who gets it curled quite often for alot of different reason, his mother alwas has polish on his toes and nails. we have 2 more small boys that always get a girls cut and their mothers always want it curled before leaving. Many of the smal boys go right to our manicure stations at the request of their mother to get their nails polished.. Just last week I did a roler set on a man in town for a metting he had the most beautiful long hair and it curled so good. Hope to hear more about so of the feminine boys, the boys seem so polite and well manered and dressed in feminine outfits. I think its great that mothers are willing to let the boys personality come out. Keep up the good work.
stephanie says...
Hi its Stephanie and my email is bakerstephanie74@yahoo.com if anyone wishes to chat or share experiences about feminine hairstyles and outfits on boys. Jenn and Judi would love hearing from you
Maria Robins says...
My son is growing his hair now and it is quite long but you can still see that he?s a boy! But, in school he has a friend who is really girly but doesn?t seem to care. According to my son he was teased in the beginning but he seemed not to care. That?s amazingly strong because we all know about group preasure.
The other day, I saw this boy in school when picking up my son and I could hardly believe my eyes! I haven?t seen him for a long time now and he was not recognizable! The most beautiful long and curly hair you can emagine! Not only that it was extremely long (all the way passing his bum!), it was so girly! A fantastic cascade of blond wavy hair embedded him and on top of that, he wore a girl?s coat! Yes, he was very sweet and he seemed all happy about it! The girls around him cued to comb his hair – I guess they envied him!
But, as I said, very, very brave of him to withstand all the looks from others just to be himself
Traci says...
I was so glad to find this thread — I have to admit I’m one of those Moms who love having their sons’ hair ‘done.’ He’s had long hair all his life (now 10) and he’s never asked to have it cut off. About 3 years ago he started asking if he could have curls, like his big sisters, and after some hesitation I said “Why not.” I did it on hot rollers and he loved it and I couild not believe how pretty he looked. Since then I’ve been setting it on rollers a few times a week and I’ve gradually added headbands, barrettes, etc. For school he wears it in a high pony tail or back in a headband or in 2 braids. I take him into my stylist every couple of months for a trim and roller set and the girls at the salon just adore him. I get compliments all the time on his hair and I dread the day he decides to cut it!
I think as long as it’s the boy’s choice it’s fine to let young boys expresss their girly side.
Ellie in Calif. says...
I’m also a stylist and I’ve seen a related phenomenon: boys coming in as bridesmaids. We’re in Northern California, near Napa, so we do a lot of wedding parties. In the last year (last 2 summers) we’ve probably had half a dozen weddings that included young boys as either bridesmaids or flower girls. We gave all of them the full makeover — hair, makeup, nails — and with one exception they all seemed enthusiastic and enjoying the process. One was especially interesting: he was about 7 and it was clear that his mother has been dressing him in girls’ things for some time. He came in twice, once a few days before the wedding for a trial, and then on the mo rning of the wedding with the rest of the bridesmaids. For the trial his Mom brought her own rollers. He was wearing a girls’ skort and t-shirt, with white keds and white socks, and had his hair in a high ponytail and his nails polished . I assumed he was a girl until one of the other stylists told me otherwise. She had us trim his hair (it’s really quite lovely, down to mid back with bangs), set it in her rollers and put him under the dryer for 20 minutes. then they left with him still in rollers.
I have to say he didn’t seem crazy about the whole thing but he didn’t protest either. We talked afterward and the owner said she’d chatted with the Mom and she said she’d decided when he was 3 to raise him as femme as possible. He came back with the other bridesmaids and we did updos, makeup, and manicures on all of them. He seemed to be enjoying himself more that day and the other women bridesmaids were very sweet to him.
The other ones we’ve done were more obviously one-time deals, either at the request of the bride or just for fun. Our owner says she’s seeing this more and more. We all thought it’s kind of strange but also a lot of fun to makeover boys like that. A couple of them were the prettiest ones in the wedding party!
Gina says...
Traci,
You’re situation is very interesting…my son is kinda girly as well. His hair is about shoulder length and he wants to grow it out. I have always styled it in a rather feminine way buy now I’m afraid of what people might think if I continue to let him have his way. Two questions; 1: Does your son like to look girly?…for example, my son has his ears pierced and loves jewelry. And 2: How do you handle any negative reactions?
Traci says...
Hi Gina, yes, my son definitely prefers his girly hairstyles ….. he gets mad when I make him pull it back in a regular “guys’ ponytail,” and he’d be very upset if he couldn’t curl it or wear his headbands and barrettes anymore.
We do have some negative reactions and I’ve spent a lot of time telling him that people who judge other people by their appearance are small-minded, that if he’s comfortable with his looks it doesn’t matter what others think, and so on. He gets teased a certain amount at school but the teachers and the principal are very supportive and to tell the truth he’s been wearing his hair in girls’ styles for so long that the other kids just kind of accept it. (He’s got a couple of close girl friends who love to braid and style his hair.)
How old is your boy? when you say “a rather feminine way,” does that mean curls? Braids? Accessories?
I’d love to hear more — feel free to email me at tt8847@gmail.com if you prefer. Thanks for supporting boys with long hair!
Best,
Traci
Maria Robins says...
It?s so lovely with this conversation about our sons? more girly and feminine sides!
My son?s never been interested in the bridesmaid thing but is otherwise very femenine in his appearance!
He?s been more and more friendly with this other boy I mentioned in my earlier letter! (We can call him Alex!) They are together after school almost everyday and my boy and Alex are dressing up like little girls all the time, wearing skirts and lased, frilly bluses, girls?coats and other girly garnments!
The other day, I found them combing and brushing eachother?s hair! Alex?s hair is so beautiful that it is stunning! I?m so amazed that a male can grow such a fantastic lovely hair and be brave enough to keep it that way in front of others! And I?m so fascinated that it can be so girly and sweet and LONG on a boy! They really loved it and now I?ve promised my son to let him grow his hair really long if he wishes – and he does!!! Today, his hair is midback! I also frequently take him to my hairdresser?s to have it curled!
Actually, seeing them standing there in their skirts and pink jumpers treating one eachother in this, so regarded, femenine way was so sweet! Alex?s hair is among the most beautiful, wavy hair I ever experienced – just hoping my son?s will be the same!
And, what?s more inspiring now and hopeful for the future, is that this boy Alex and my son, is sort of showing the way forward for their school mates! Several boys have started wearing skirts (even though very boyish, like jeans skirts and similar with boys?outfits like zippers and pocets) and they grow their hair now really long!
Maria – a proud mother!
Tara says...
My son has extremely long hair, he is turning 6 and his hair is past his bum. He is constantly mistaken for a girl, even tho everything else about him screams boy. It doesn’t bother me because, yes, he is beautiful! We just casually correct whomever and whatever they say. They usually are the ones who apologize and are embarrassed. But we just tell them don’t worry about it, happens all the time. His dad has a long braid too, but he’s never mistaken. As he gets older and goes thru the changes, he will obviously be male. I am lucky tho that my baby boy will never be offended until then, he has autism and couldn’t care less what people say about him. He is a very happy child and loves life. People relate beauty with girls. You’re son is probably beautiful, i know my son is, and thats the reason people mistake him for a girl. Best wishes.
Maria Robins says...
Dear Tara!
Thanks for your letter about your lovely little boy!
Yes, he seems to be such a happy boy! There is not reason why a boy shouldn?t be able to enjoy really long hair – they used to in the late 1800s without comments then!!! It was natural with both boys and girls having that! You?re so right about society just adoring beautiful girls – not boys! Actually, boys too can be beautiful (in their own way!) I must say that my son is “beautiful” and so is his best friend!
If you would like to drop a line, don?t hezitate! You?ll reach me at this email address (and I also invite all of you out there who are interested in writing me some lines and discuss and I can also send you a pic of my son!)
swederobin@yahoo.se
Yours,
Maria!
Bob says...
I don’t know how i stumbled onto this page, but found these comments interesting and pretty amazing. I knew my mother wished I was a girl when I was a boy, and she would try to get me interested in girl stuff sometimes, and I rebelled against that. Boys were merciless back then about anything sissyish. I got a doll from an aunt once, undoubedly at my mother’s request, and when I got home, threw it in the trash immediately. I was embarrassed about it. I have photos of when I was very young, and I’m wearing a dress, but I’m not sure that was uncommon for very young boys. I ahd an older brother, so it wasn’t a hand-me-down from a sister.
I played with boys, but did play with a girl a few houses away for awhile, and she’d want to play dress-up, and for us to trade clothes, but I was very reluctant do that. Girls almost always wore dresses back in the 1950’s, and I couldn’t imagine that. I suppose girls liked such games, but I had never heard of such a thing. I really don’t remember if she ever talked me into it, but do remember she really wanted to do that.
When I came back from Vietnam, and went back to work in this factory where I’d worked during college, until I decided on graduate school, I grew my hair long, and wore it in a ponytail at work, to keep it away from the machinery, and the women who worked there really enjoyed putting barrettes in my hair. That’s girl fun, I suppose.
It’s nice that people and kids are so accepting of that knd of thing these days. If I was a little boy now, I imagine my mother would have been more aggressive about encouraging me to be girly, though I don’t know. I definitely knew from comments and stuff that she wished i was a girl, though didn’t feel that she didn’t love me as much because I was a boy.
The idea of boys wearing earrings, dresses, nail polish, and girls’s hairstyles is something I really have never seen, and it surprises me to some degree. If females can dress like males, then males should be able to dress like females, but I am surprised the boys don’t get teased more.